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past caring?

Posted Saturday, March 22, 2008 8:49 PM

So, I got a brief moment to talk to my brother this evening.  He's my man of honor, but works goofy hours at a hotel, and is thusly a bit difficult to get a hold of.

I have one other bride's maid, E, whom I haven't really had much of a chance to get close to, but she's a good family friend, and my brother's best friend.

Well, I honestly haven't asked much of my BP at this point.  Its kinda hard because they're in CO and I'm in NY.  I don't know that I'd really ask much of them anyway.  It would just be nice to have them here to do stuff with.

Regardless.

My brother's attire for the wedding is easy.  He owns his own tux for crying out loud.

E, on the other hand.... well, I sorta feel like its been drama since day one.

Green is my favorite color, and I think she and my brother were under the impression that this would be a color I pick for the wedding.  It didn't happen because the Fi and I chose to do a wine theme... thusly, I asked her to wear a red wine color.

I realize that this is sort of a nebulous color.... I mean, red wine can give off a variety of hues.  The major point was "red" thought.  I wanted her to pick something that she'd like.  I have any number of bride's maid dresses that I honestly can't envision EVER wearing again.

Anyway, she fought me on red.  She wanted Sage Green.

Then, she found a dress that was aubergine.  A very pretty color... but not exactly red wine.

Finally, my mom came out and we found a swatch of fabric (at E's request) so she'd have an idea on the color.

My brother took it up to Ft. Collins to her (my fam lives in Colorado Springs) and she found a dress at Goodwill.

Now, I truly have NO issue whatsoever with her purchasing her dress at goodwill  You can really find some nice stuff sometimes.  I found a prom dress once that I really loved.  It was so comfortable!

Anyway, I was talking to my brother about it and he lets it slip that she's "past caring" what I will think about the dress.

Excuse me?

I don't have bridezilla moments.  I'm really not that keyed up about the whole wedding business. (I haven't purchased a single bridal magazine.)

But where does she get off not caring what I (the bride) think about the dress that I gave her the freedom to purchase for our wedding day?

It should NOT have been that stressful.

Especially considering I haven't put any other pressures on her.  She asked me when she had to be out for the wedding (no plans for a visit prior) and said that she hoped she'd actually be able to MAKE IT OUT for the wedding, because she's looking at job stuff.

I don't think she quite gets it!! Its not just an invitation.  I asked her to be a bride's maid!! 

I'm afraid I was rather short with her after that.  I told her if she didn't think she was going to be able to make it then she should let me know as soon as possible, and that she absolutely HAD to be out by October 10 (for rehearsal).

This one really bugs me. I mean, what the heck am I supposed to say???  At this point, I'm starting to regret asking her, but I can't really un-ask her either.  It doesn't really sound like she wants to be a part of this fairly mellow (for a wedding) shindig anymore.
 

Posted by brolvesrice
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Comments

re: past caring?

i would suggest asking her straight up if she wants to be part of your wedding.  if she says no, then say, "ok, you don't have to be.  i'll find someone else that wants to help me out and actually cares about me."  it's difficult if you're asking someone because they're a friend of a friend (or friend of the family).  you should be surrounded by people who genuinely care about being there for you.  

Posted by golddust    Saturday, March 22, 2008 9:08 PM


re: past caring?

Wow, I can't believe her attitude.  Some people are clueless!  I've been a BM, and I did everything my bride asked of me, at the least.  Because I loved her, and she needed help.  Doesn't sound like you're asking too much, I mean she bought her dress at Goodwill!  I hope she comes around.  I say if she can't show, write her off.  If she does show, be thankful.  Good luck!

Posted by oneluckygal    Sunday, March 23, 2008 1:13 AM


re: past caring?

I say that you should call her or send her a note and tell her that you are getting the feeling she is not interested in being your bridesmaid.  Tell her that you're sorry you've put her under any pressure to do this and that you will find someone else closer who is not under personal stress such as job situations so that she can just come and enjoy herself if she is, indeed, able to attend at all.  This way you can let her out of the situation without feeling the type of guilt that will make her say "No no, I want to be your bridesmaid....really." When she doesn't want to because that's more stress than you as the bride need.  My goodness, it's sad to think that we catch up more on what's going on with your wedding than this girl is!!  In my first wedding (my first husband), my bridesmaids didn't help AT ALL...I was soo incredibly stressed. I'm not even friends with them any more.  This time I'm doing it right and only getting help from a very few people, but they are people who are willing to be there and to help.  Remember that this is YOUR day and you need people you can count on....On your wedding day they need to be keeping your nerves down and making sure things run right for you...You don't have time to be helping her.

Posted by faemoon    Tuesday, March 25, 2008 9:47 PM


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About brolvesrice

I am a stubborn free spirited animal lover who loves music and craves stability. In other words, an enigma, even to myself.


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