Tuesday, August 21, 2007 4:00 PM
What if I get caught returning a gift? Or the present is not present in my home?
The odds are really slim that you would be returning that ugly etched vase at the exact same time the gift giver was making another ill-fated purchase. But hey, anything is possible! Your response should not be pretending she is invisible or running away real fast. Whether you have an in-store situation, or your cousin shows up at your home and asks, “Where are the kitty cat figurines I gave you for your birthday?” you can handle it in the same way. Gift giving is a really charged subject, so respond with diplomacy.
Try a semi-lie: “The seashell-encrusted candlesticks are lovely but my apartment is so crowded and I don’t want them to break so I tucked them away.” Or, just free it from the bottom of the closet when you know the giver is making an appearance.
Try the truth: “This holiday-themed sweater is lovely and I appreciate your thought but it’s just not suited to my tastes.”
Now let’s say the offending item is not actually hidden on a back shelf to protect your retinas from burning but that you actually exchanged it. Be upfront with your sister, and show her what you returned it for. Explain how much you appreciated the thought but how much more you needed the new item and how it works so much better for you.
If you happen to be on the other end of the equation, don’t get wounded if your friend returned something. Take it as chance to learn about her tastes (and yours). You can set a perfect present trend but checking in with her the next time you want to shop for her. The dialogue can sometimes help you find beautiful gifts everyone will love – even if you don’t. And remember: money talks. A gift card is always safe.
[Nestpert] Jane Greer, Ph.D., a NYC-based therapist