Reflections on marriage thus far.
Posted
Saturday, December 08, 2007 5:30 AM
As I mentioned last night, today marks five months for us. I love my husband, and I love being married. The only aspiration I held for myself throughout the years was to spend the rest of my life with the man God made me for, the man God made for me. I changed my dream occupation thousands of times over, from "pianoist" in the first grade to Egyptologist in the third, and so on. However, my biggest dream never faded and only grew stronger as time went by. I still live each day with increased passion for living out this blessed life to the fullest to try to give back to God the many blessings He has bestowed upon me.
Last night, we again renewed our promise to each other to not make the same mistakes we have made what feels as though all too many times since we've gotten married. Marriage is tough, no doubt. They say that you'll never hurt anyone more than the one you love the most and who loves you most, and it's true. However, it's that love that you pledge to each other on your wedding day that sees you through all of that hurt and helps to shape both parties into more and more of what God wants us to be. We love each other so much, but it's still hard at times to find the balance of "me" versus "us", knowing when to and what to give and when you are to keep your stand on something. We've grown together so much as a couple and as individuals, but we do still hold onto a bit of selfishness at times, simply wanting the other to bend to our own wills. I do feel like this month will be different, though. I feel like a few lightbulbs have finally burnt out and been replaced to get us right on track.
Last week's sermon really hit home with some of the struggles we have as a couple and on our own, and I hope we can keep those principles at the forefront of our minds when we start to get upset with one another or when we're just having a bad day. I'm tired of seeing our mistakes repeat themselves, of holding onto a little apprehension because I feel as though we're not yet quite clear of them. I'm ready to let go, but I still proceed with caution as I feel we're not quite free of them yet. No, we don't have a rocky relationship that's in trouble. But we do have issues we need to work out. We are just human, after all. ㄱ.ㄱ
Back to the sermon, though: our pastor emphasized a point that we sometimes all take for granted, and that is that everything happens for a reason. I thought about the issues we've had and tried to put them in the perspective of them occurring for a reason. It led to a lot of self-reflection for me, looking at where I was and how far I've come as a person throughout the years, not just within our marriage. I still hold onto a lot of pain from two things in my past that I know I just need to move on from and embrace for what they have thus meant to me. It's not easy to look at any given situation and keep in mind that it happened for a reason, whether for my benefit or someone else's. Even in the hard times, every single happening in our lives helps shape us, and if we allow it, makes us into better people.
At any rate, I look forward to the challenges and blessings God has in store for us. With each new challenge we face, I pray for clarity in my mind to do better on my part and help my husband do better on his. We feed off of each other's energy, so we need to help each other in any way that we can. Especially with wanting to try for a baby in the near future, we need to be practicing what we're preaching! ^^;; (I SO look forward to the journey once it comes!!) We have so much ahead of us yet, but we still need to live each day as if it is our last. We can't live off of promises for the future since the future is not guaranteed, so we need to make each day count. ^^;;
In other news, we have our meeting with InfoPass next Friday at 10am. I want to be excited about it like I have with other appointments, but it's hard since we shouldn't be needing to go there anyway. Ah, well. I am just thankful we were able to get in next week to see what's going on (or what isn't, for that matter).
Anyway, time to finish getting ready for bed! I think I've cleared my mind for the time being, though I'll probably be on again tomorrow to deliberate "out loud" over my current job situation. Good times ahoy, lol.