The Nest

Birthday Blues

Posted Tuesday, March 11, 2008 8:22 PM

I don't like my birthday.  I'm not saying I don't like the fact that I was born on this day, but I don't like the whole hype around, "Happy Birthday!"  I took my birthday down from facebook because I knew I'd get upset that a whole bunch of strangers (not complete strangers, but people who I am not quite so familiar with) would send well-wishes, but those who might even refer to me as their "best friend" won't even call.  I've just had some bad birthdays the past several years.  I don't get upset at growing another year older, I don't care about presents, I don't care about people doing something special for me.  If it weren't such a big deal in our culture, where we grow up making a huge fuss of it, I'd be fine.  But no.  Here I am, knowing that I'll come to the end of the day without any of my "friends" saying a thing.

Anyway, I know I need to get over it, lol.  I just end up feeling like I don't have any friends/people who care about me outside of family at the end of the day, and it's a little sad.  I feel forgotten by my old friends who I do still keep in touch with and like a side-thought to the few I have here in MN.  I already started sobbing before getting on the bus, lol.  I'm such a loser!  I really do crave feeling like I am important/matter to others, but that's a whole different entry.  @__@

My husband sent me a super sweet e-card, though!  What he writes to me always gets me teary-eyed.  He just knows exactly what to say and how to touch my heart.  He keeps telling me we have to go out to eat tonight because it's my birthday, but I keep telling him that I just want to stay home and eat the steaks I have prepared.  "But you always stay home!  Let's go to Olive Garden!"  He's really trying hard to cheer me up.  ^^;;  I really do just want to eat at home, though.  We'll see how his persuasive powers work!  He's so good to me.  I love that man to pieces.

I'll have another, cheerier post later.  I'm not really THAT glum today, but of course, journals are where you vent and tend to blow things out of proportion.  ^.~  I think the birthday treats at work might do the trick, though.  :)  (We are all assigned someone's birthday to organize a mini gathering for.)