A Bit of Randomness for a Friday
Posted
Saturday, March 15, 2008 1:25 AM
Let's start out cheery. On Wednesday, I went to church to see what the Jr. High Youth Group was like, to see if it really is my calling since being recruited at the Women's Breakaway last Saturday. My goodness, it's either that 7th and 8th grade is a whole different ball game now, or MN and OH are seriously that different. I think it's a little bit of both. But anyway, even with just a group of ten girls, it was just insane seeing how different their personalities were.
I am "gifted" with a seriously empathetic character. I say "gifted" because it truly is a blessing to be able to connect with and "know" people in a way so many others can't, but it really can be a burden at times. These girls were mostly chatty the whole time, nothing too serious, but I felt a lot of pain coming from each one of them, though none was really discussed.
I decided to go with jr. high over sr. high, even though I had originally wanted to do sr. high. Why? I reflected back to my middle school experience (we had "middle school" in OH) and recalled how much pain I was in, how lonely I felt, how much I longed for someone to reach out to me, to be there for me. Jr. Highers are scary. They have so many raging hormones, so much angst and get caught up on such small petty things. They are judgmental, stand-offish and often times selfish. But they still need someone to be there for them. They still need to know that they have someone to go to when they are hurting, that they don't need to carry their burdens and even the burdens of others on their own. They need to know they are loved, but more importantly, to feel that they are loved.
I hope to be able to reach out and touch these girls' hearts, to help shape them in a positive light. This weekend, there is an event for the jr. high kids at the Mall of America. It's a real life "Where's Waldo?" thing where our groups get passes to the new Nick-themed amusement park in the mall. Even though it's going to be crazy-busy there, I am doing it. I want to try to start connecting with these girls, to get to know them more and to let them get to know me more. We'll see how that all goes. @__@ ^^;;
In somewhat of a down note, we really have no idea what's going on with my husband's job. We feel as though we are running out of time to find something, but we are waiting on people who are just taking their good ol' time. Of course, if everything works out, that will just be way awesome. But for now, we are faced with a lot of uncertainty. It's all in His hands, no doubt, but we struggle with feeling like his life is in the hands of so many others who don't give a hoot--immigration, employers, etc. We've been doing very well keeping a positive attitude, though. :)
This leads to me starting to get down about TTC. I feel like our July plan isn't going to work. I struggle with wanting to just go for it then with wanting to make sure I will be able to stay at home when the baby does come. Everything could just work itself out, but with the way things are now, I would have to go back to work after the baby. I want to put my arms around our baby so much much, but I still can't put my arms around being a new mom and working, not being there to breastfeed our child, not being there to watch him/her grow nearly as much. I don't know what to do. Obviously, I don't need to decide right now. I shouldn't even be fretting over it now, but it's just hard when these children are already in your heart so much, when you've already prepared a special place for them there.
Anyway, I just want to type out a quick prayer for my friend. I prayed the entire bus ride home for her, her husband and their unborn child. I pray that God heals her husband, that whatever is ailing him isn't that serious. I pray that if it does end up being serious, that God grants them all the strength to carry on, to still hold their heads up high and just provides for their every need. They need you so much right now, Lord. Please grant them Your peace and shower them with Your unfailing love.
At that, I think I will close. I need to cook dinner and cuddle with my hubby. :)