The Nest

The Sweetest Thing

Posted Monday, May 05, 2008 11:57 PM

I clocked about 10 hours at work today (trying to put in extra time to make up for what I'll be missing on Friday for our interview!), so needless to say, I was exhausted by the end of the day.  As always, my husband came to pick me up from the bus stop.

This man pulled one over me today, for sure.  When I got to the car, I saw something on my seat.  We had been at Target one day and walked by the baby section, where I saw this adorable Classic Winnie the Pooh baby's firsts type of book, along with simply adorable Classic Pooh gift sets (bib, cap, onesie, cardigan and pant).  I, of course, oggled over them for a moment before pulling myself away. 

Well, on my seat was the little book.  It was the sweetest thing he could have done for me, period.  He never goes out and buys things like that for me, so it was just so special.  I was just so incredibly touched by his love for both me and our future child.  I smiled the entire way home, looking at all of the great things we will be able to record someday,

When we got home, I asked if he had taken the water inside (I knew he had gone to Target for water), or if it was still back in the trunk.  He said it was still there and that he needed help carrying in the other bags.  I had asked him to get more spinach, so I just assumed there were a few other things he picked up.  Well, guess what was in one of the other bags: one of the baby gift sets from the Classic Pooh collection.  I was just floored and amazed.  I am so blessed to have married this man, to be going through this journey with him.  It's so incredible to see the love he has already developed for our future little one.  I can't wait to dress him/her in those clothes, to put photos and little memorabilia in that little book and remember the moment he gave those things to me for our baby.

Anyway, I just wanted to share that quickly, now that I've had a free moment.  I'm exhausted, though, and need to hit the sack.

I found it! "Mittelschmerz"

Posted Saturday, May 03, 2008 11:49 AM

I told you that the ovulation pain thing had a name that started with an M and had an h and a z in there somewhere.  It's called "Mittelschmerz."  Here's some info taken from our friends at Wikipedia:

Symptoms and diagnosis Mittelschmerz is characterized by lower abdominal and pelvic pain that occurs roughly midway through a woman's menstrual cycle. The pain can appear suddenly and usually subsides within hours, although it may sometimes last two or three days. In some women, the mittelschmerz is localized enough so that they can tell which of their two ovaries provided the egg in a given month. Because ovulation occurs on a random ovary each cycle, the pain may switch sides or stay on the same side from one cycle to another. Diagnosis of mittelschmerz is generally made if a woman is mid-cycle and a pelvic examination shows no abnormalities. If the pain is prolonged and/or severe, other diagnostic procedures such as an abdominal ultrasound may be performed to rule out other causes of abdominal pain. The pain of mittelschmerz is sometimes mistaken for appendicitis and is one of the differential diagnoses for appendicitis in women of child-bearing age. Causes Mittelschmerz is believed to have a variety of causes: * Follicular swelling: The swelling of follicles in the ovaries prior to ovulation. While only one or two eggs mature to the point of being released, a number of follicles grow during the follicular phase of the menstrual cycle (non-dominant follicles atrophy prior to ovulation). Because follicles develop on both sides, this theory explains mittelschmerz that occurs simultaneously on both sides of the abdomen. * Ovarian wall rupture: The ovaries have no openings; at ovulation the egg breaks through the ovary's wall. This may make ovulation itself painful for some women. * Fallopian tube contraction: After ovulation, the fallopian tubes contract (similar to peristalsis of the esophagus), which may cause pain in some women. * Smooth muscle cell contraction: At ovulation, this pain may be related to smooth muscle cell contraction in the ovary as well as in its ligaments. These contractions occur in response to an increased level of prostaglandin F2-alpha, itself mediated by the surge of leutinizing hormone (LH). * Irritation: At the time of ovulation, blood or other fluid is released from the ruptured egg follicle. This fluid may cause irritation of the abdominal lining. Usefulness Women charting with some form of fertility awareness may find mittelschmerz to be a helpful secondary sign in detecting ovulation. Because normal sperm life is up to five days, however, mittelschmerz alone does not provide sufficient advance warning to avoid pregnancy. Because other causes of minor abdominal pain are common, mittelschmerz alone also cannot be used to confirm the beginning of the post-ovulatory infertile period. Other ovulation symptoms Women may notice other physical symptoms associated with their mittelschmerz, or near ovulation. The most common sign is the appearance of fertile cervical mucus in the days leading up to ovulation. Cervical mucus is one of the primary signs used by various fertility awareness methods. Other symptoms are sometimes called secondary fertility signs to distinguish from the three primary signs. Mid-cycle or ovulatory bleeding is thought to result from the sudden drop in estrogen that occurs just before ovulation. This drop in hormones can trigger withdrawal bleeding in the same way that switching from active to placebo birth control pills does. The rise in hormones that occurs after ovulation prevents such mid-cycle spotting from becoming as heavy or long lasting as a typical menstruation. Spotting is more common in longer cycles. A woman's vulva may swell just prior to ovulation, especially the side on which ovulation will occur. One of the groin lymph nodes (on the side on which ovulation will occur) will swell to about the size of a pea, and may become tender.

So why do I suddenly bring this up?  I woke up with these pains today.  It was nice not having to deal with them while on the pill, but I am grateful I get them now.  I thought that I had had them a week or so ago, but I think this is the actual eggie, unless it's implantation pain!  (My head is grounded today, so no worries about being in Cloud 9 again, lol.)  That's good news, though: according to the ovulation calculator, if I am on a regular 28-day cycle, going off of when my last period was, even though it was during my last pack of the pill, I am supposed to ovulate today.  Could it be that I have gone back to being normal?!  I'll just have to see what my temperature does within the next few days here.  We'll see what God's plan is for us...but God, I hope you bless us with a little one like..tonight!  ^.~

Chart Stalking

Posted Friday, May 02, 2008 4:16 PM

Someone posted a link in another person's post on the BOTB board for the TCOYF chart gallery.  Let me tell you, I've been chart stalking for the past half hour since our systems are all down at work.  XD  I have no idea if I am pregnant or not or even how likely I am or am not.  I don't know if I've even ovulated.  However, I now know that big temperature drops can be a good thing--a very good thing~!  Woohoo!

So in semi-related news, I received a phone call last night that made me very upset.  I actually did not know this person had called my until a little after 11pm, but their message got me worked up.  What the heck?  Where are you pulling this from?  I talked to you on Monday.  I called you, you didn't answer.  You still didn't call me back at the end of the day, so I chased you down, and this is how it has been for weeks.  I like volunteering at church and connecting with people who share the same faith I do while trying to guide children down a good path.  I work with my husband, my husband, because he is my husband.  We are a new little family of our own.  We have our own lives, too.  I took the two boys out two weekends ago and am planning to do so this weekend.  I tried to spend time with you at that time, but you wanted to rest up.  I love you all dearly, and I do what I do because it's what I enjoy, what I need, not because I am avoiding anyone.

Anyway, rant aside, this is related to me feeling upset last night and this morning.  Like I said, I may not even be close to pregnant, but I am keeping the mindset of, "Well, what if I am?"  I am very easily shaken by such events as what is still transpiring now, and I know that stress can screw things up with your body.  Thinking of trying to keep my mind and body in good spirits is helping me to not linger on negative thoughts and feelings.  I know it might seem like there's room for huge disappointment, but I don't think there will be.  I like the mindset I am keeping, and I am happy to do it regardless of whether or not I am with child. My goodness, I will have so much to tell our children as they grow older some day about how much they've affected my life, even before they were born.

Anyway, it's almost quitting hour for me today.  The systems are still down, so yay for updates in the meantime (and chart stalking).  ^^;;

Those Darn Fashionistas

Posted Friday, May 02, 2008 9:59 AM

I often wonder how big many of my coworkers' closets are and whether or not they have a separate room where they live that serves as a gallery for all of their accessories.  I'm always asking someone, "Ooh, where'd you get that?"  There's just so much cute stuff out there!  Usually, it's Express with a little Limited here-and-there.  Right, like I've got $60 to spend on a shirt any given day. 

I swear I wear about the same 5 outfits every week with a few different ones to mix it up.  It gets old.  I would love to have more clothing, but I can't justify splurging so much when I can make do with what I have.  (Total penny-pincher here.)  I get a little envious, even though it's just by my own choice that I don't stock up on new stuff with every single change of the season.  How do these people do it?  How can they afford so much on what we make?  We get paid well, but with how some of these people live, I just don't see how it works.  I want that cute little jacket and that gorgeous dress, too.  :(

And then it comes to me: my husband and I have never paid a cent worth of interest on a credit card in our lives.  Oh, how that makes me feel like a winner.  XD

My problem today

Posted Thursday, May 01, 2008 1:57 PM

I know exactly what my problem is today.  The post I had typed up for yesterday was all blissful and happy.  My husband and I had had an amazing night on Tuesday, and it was incredible to sit and think, "Wow, this could be it--maybe I'll get pregnant from such an incredible time with him..."  It was surreal to think of what could have been happening inside of my body.

Now I know this doesn't really mean anything, but my temperature was about 1 degree lower (a sizeable jump) than it has been the past few days.  I wasn't even expecting to ovulate until sometime this weekend or anything, but still--I'm letting it get me down.  I think I was flying too high on Cloud 9, somehow thinking, "Wow, maybe I'm already pregnant!"  My temperature readings had been a little bit higher the past few days, so I had even wondered if perhaps it was from another night when I totally thought it wasn't prime time.  I know a ton of women go through it, but I don't know.  If I keep acting like this, I'll have to stop temping.  I think I'll work through it just fine, though--I just need to get myself more grounded.  I really don't know what I was expecting.  It's just hard when you're flying high off of an amazing experience, I suppose.  That's life for you.

So I've been trying to snap out of my funk.  It'll happen when it will happen.  I got myself a little too excited, but it's understandable.  ^.~  I'll have a more cheery update later.  I think I'm just going to force myself to "be unafraid."

Too much information?

Posted Thursday, May 01, 2008 9:28 AM

I typed up a post on Tuesday.  I typed up a post on Wednesday.  They are both sitting there marked as "saved, but not published."  I guess I've been having my moments of fear of letting people see too far into my life.  I don't know if it's because I really fear that, or if it's because I've been severely burned for being too honest and open in the past.  Not that I have anything to hide, but I still get nervous wondering if my mother comes here and reads what I write, even though I highly doubt it.  I don't know how anyone would really be able to find this without being told right where it is, but people do find ways.

I suppose I just really haven't gotten over what happened almost five years ago.  When people invade your privacy and violate your trust, it can do a serious number to you.  I don't think I allowed myself the time I needed to sort of recover from it.  (It's not some major awful thing that happened, but it was incredibly hurtful and damaging in many ways.)  I had to sit there and act like nothing had happened, beg others for forgiveness and give up my hopes and dreams, trying to help others find their peace when I had none of my own.  Of course, everything is fine now.  I still have random moments, though, where I'll be doing the dishes or some other trivial thing and will burst into tears.  Especially the words that were said.  I forgive you for saying them, but they still stab at me from time-to-time.

It's hard to continue typing when you keep wondering more and more if people who you don't want to read this are.  I don't want to fill anyone I personally know in about how we are trying to conceive.  I don't want them to know about the sweet moments my husband and I share.  I don't want to let anyone I know hear about what Plan B is.  I want to tell people, though, and that's why I like coming here.  Nobody is going to go blabbing this to someone else who might potentially screw things over for me.  It's different now.  We have our own life together, and if people don't like what we decide, that's too bad.  I just don't want the backlash of, "Oh, why didn't you tell us first?"  I don't want to constantly wonder if someone I know reads something personal I type regarding my husband and I to only go on snickering to someone else (*cough* mother and sister *cough*).

So if you're someone I am somehow related to, please let me have my own life and worry about your own.

Like I said, I am pretty sure no one I know reads this, except maybe one person, but I know she is on here, and I trust her.  I think, though, that my mother constantly checking in on every single detail of our lives is starting to wear thin on both of us, causing me increased paranoia since it's just crazy how much she keeps tabs on.  She'll ask something out of the blue that I, personally, would have completely forgotten had someone told me.  My dad does almost the same thing, though not quite as detailed, and then he'll say, "Oh, but I don't want to pry too much."  Let us be!  Everyone has enough issues of their own to take care of, so please, do not try to get too involved in our business.  Goodness knows you have enough of your own to deal with.

Maybe more updates from me later.  I'm tempted to just let it all out here, knowing that it would easily fish out the stalkers, lol.

Sorry for the early morning angst.  I'll be more chipper next time.

And whatnot.

Posted Monday, April 28, 2008 3:53 PM

I did an informal presentation once where I said, "And whatnot," at the end of just about every sentence I spoke.  Everyone found it quite hilarious

Aside from that random reflection, LG--Life's Good.  The concert was wonderful.  We were amazed to find out that Casting Crowns was invited to go to North Korea about a year ago, which is shocking considering they are a Christian band.  They showed images from their trip, which were, of course, all happy and colorful since the government controls every little thing you see and hear.  It made me so jealous that they got to go. 

I am very big into creating more awareness for those suffering in North Korea and for helping refugees who have escaped (which I have not had the personal opportunity to do yet but am constantly gathering more info about).  I wanted to take a huge trip last year when they had opened their doors for a very limited time, but of course, there was a wedding to be paid for.  It would be amazing to go with my husband, but South Korean natives are forbidden from entering (other than officials and the likes, of course).  So yeah.  One of these days, I want to go do a DMZ tour and hopefully actually get to go to the country.  I hope more that one day, they will be one country again...

Other than that, I taught Sunday School this weekend.  It definitely went much better than last time, although one child decided to color on a helper's new hoodie.  The marker didn't say washable like many others did, so we're hoping it will come out.  Oh, the joys of children.  ^.~

Oh, for my own reference: Friday was the first time for Kokoa Juice.  Neomu johasseo. ^o^  Sajin--neomu jaemi isseo.  ;3

In other news, I am transferring to a different business unit at work--health and beauty.  :D  I like the items I work with now, but I am excited to try something new.  I also like the people I work in my business unit, but I've always felt like they don't much care for me for whatever reason.  I already have a couple of friends in health and beauty, so that helps.  (Wow, look at these great second grade sentences!)  The email about the switch just totally came out of nowhere: "You're moving, though it's still not a permanent placement.  You start on Monday!"  All is well, though.  I am excited.

Ah!  This is big.  I am an awful person.

Friday night, I think it was, my husband told me that his sister was suspecting that his brother was in the hospital for reasons due to wanting another child...this seemed a little farfetched to me, but I instantly went into jealous/possessive mode.  Sorry ladies--for those of you trying right now, I will tell you that I will be jealous if I am not the first one to get pregnant, lol.  As it is, I see that is very likely.  I'll live, though.  ^.~

Anyway, I started saying things like, "But if they have a baby around the same time as us, our baby won't be as special."  I know, I'm a moron.  A baby is a wondrous and special blessing at any time, but I guess I've just had it in my mind that ours would be just so fawned over because my husband, the youngest in his family, is finally having a baby.  Now two having babies at a similar time?  I just feel like it steals our thunder, lol.  I'm so awful.

I still keep trying to rationalize that her suspicions are unfounded.  "They're son is about 14 years old...they both work so much all of the time..."  Of course, my mother and her sister are 13 years apart, so that really doesn't mean anything.  Grade A Loser.  If it's true, of course I will be happy for them and supportive.  They might be trying to keep it hush-hush right now, completely understandably, so that if they are unable to get pregnant, it's not everyone's business.  If they do want another child, I do pray they are blessed with one, happy and healthy.  I don't pray that the timing is well after ours.  I pray the timing is what God wants it to be.

If it really is all false, I still sound like a moron.

In updates regarding our own baby world...

My husband is hilarious.  He did some research and found that men's prime age is around what he is, so he's not an old man.  XD  He's convinced our baby will be the most perfect baby ever with the following equation: most perfect baby ever = my age + my ethnicity + his age + his ethnicity.  My age=good eggies and great harvesting conditions.  His age=good, mature, healthy sperm.  (I love it when he says sperm, lol.  As you can imagine, it's not the easiest word for him to say, being Korean.)  You know what?  It's true.  That equation is proven...somehow.  Take that.  ^.~

Anyway, I should get back to work now...