The Knot, The Nest, The Nest Baby & Finally...The Cuckoo Nest (The Empty Nest)
Posted
Wednesday, February 20, 2008 12:38 AM
Upon searching - there is no "empty nest". No board or category that fits me. Maybe I'll be the first member to the 'empty nest' board and I'll be all alone until everyone can join me in 20 years but at that point, I'll be ready for the "Cuckoo Nest" category. I feel alone in that there doesn't seem to be another nester with my same situation and perhaps I'm here out of place & don't belong.
I cried the entire way to picking up my daughter, driving in a blur of tears and oncoming car lights after my last blog post. I sobered up for the ride back home but she knew something wasn't right.
It hit me. I am not 27 anymore. I am 37. I'm not just starting my family. I have 2 teenage daughters and my motherhood chapter is coming to a close (always a mother, but it's a different chapter when they're grown. My home life is changing, ending in one way, beginning in another). I am not like my fellow nesties and all of a sudden, it struck me...hard.
I've been yanking out the occasional sparkly gray hair. I deny that my knees hurt & it's probably early signs of some type of arthritis. I may be a nestie like everyone else in the sense that I'm fairly newlywed, but that's where my common denominator ends. And I'm sad.
Is it PMS or early signs of menopause? I'm serious. What started out as an innocent blog post expressing my baby-crave turned into a reality check that I had my turn at where my fellow nesties are. Time is not my friend. I feel betrayed. Why do I still mentally & physically feel like everyone else and then one day - like a true slap in the face, I realize I'm not.
I'm 37, entering a new journey. One that includes grown children, empty nest, and someday grand-children and it doesn't feel fair. The reality is...it's by my own doing. I was a young married nestie with a baby when I was a teenager, a 2nd baby in my 20s, a failed marriage and 13 years of being a single mom until I met Mr. Right. I wish I had met him first. I wish we were 27 and where we are now with just starting a family. I don't regret my girls...don't get me wrong. I wouldn't trade them for anything. I just wish...I was 27 or even 37 and having my first daughter now instead of 19 years ago.