The Nest

re: Not a Hottie Anymore

It'll be okay.  I think everyone thinks like that at least sometimes.  I know I think about it a lot now because I can't find a full time job, and the only reason is because I'm stuck here with DH.

On the money front, there will always be something, some bill, but money should also get better as the years go by.  You two should definitely take a trip (even a little one) at least once a year - they don't have to be crazy expensive.  It would be good for both of you, and it would give you a chance to refresh.  

As for looking better, go get a hair cut, or get it dyed.  Go get your makeup done at the counter in the mall.  I always feel better when I do those, and even a little boost is helpful.

And your life won't be over when you have kids.  Maybe you'll find out that your life is just beginning.  (I don't speak from experience, just what I believe.)

I hope you feel better :)

Posted by Mrs. Rachel A.    Friday, June 29, 2007 10:31 AM

re: Not a Hottie Anymore

Girl your story about brought tears to my eyes! Like rachel said we all have those thoughts at times, I think its human nature. I just went through something very similar 2 wks ago when I came in to work on Monday a.m.  to find out in a email that my college sweetheart, the man that I JUST KNEW (along w/ everyone else, including him) I was going to marry had gotten married the day before. It brings tears to my eyes thinking about it and I dunno why. I'm completly happy with DH and LOVE e/thing about our life! I've came to the conclusion that it really hurts b/c we were great friends before we started dating and our relationship got put on hold when his mom came down with a really bad case of cancer.. During that time I graduated and moved to accept a job that I was very lucky to obtain right out of college.  Long story short... I was 4 hours away and was making new friends and during this time i became good friends with my DH and my x didnt like the fact that I was hanging out with a black guy. So all of a sudden he just cut off all ties with me and will no longer speak with me. I think its because we didnt have any closure to our relationship that it hurts me so bad. B/c I'm the type of person taht could still be good friends with him, and his new wife for that matter... and DH wouldnt mind at all, but he will not have a/thing to do w/ me b/c he didnt approve of my new friend, now my DH, all b/c the color of his skin.   At the same time i tell myself to not let it bother me b/c its ignorance on his part!

Def. tell Chris that you two need a vacation! Especially since your now TTC! This could be the last vacay w/out children, or having to deal w/ where to send the kids. DH and I just booked our vacay last wk and it was like pulling teeth to get him to agree on our trip, b/c he said "we dont need a vacay" "its too expensive" "we need to save that money for our business that we're planning" and I put my foot down and told him that i'm going on a trip w/ or w/out him... (knowing he would go, rather than want me to go w/ some of my friends) but I told him that its very important that we spend that quality time together and that we always take time for each other. I ended up calculating what we would spend after his vacation pay and my vacation pay and it was close to a wash.. .which made him feel alot better. Sometimes you just gotta tweak how you position it to Chris to get him onboard but whatever you do make sure that you guys get away, even if it for 4 days its better than anything and it will be great for the both of you as individuals and as a couple.

Posted by amandag56    Friday, June 29, 2007 11:10 AM

re: Not a Hottie Anymore

I look back on pics of me in high school, and think, how could I EVER have been so dumb back then to think I was fat?  I wish I looked like that now, and I wish I would have realized that I had a decent body back then and been able to enjoy it while it lasted!  It's hard, to think about those things, and wonder, what if?  But I hope for you, that you don't begin to regret the decisions you have made, the man you have chosen, etc.  And as far as, will your life be over or just beginning when you have a child, I can't speak from personal experience, but I really do feel that it will be the beginning of a new, and much more fulfilling life for you, not the end of it.

Posted by MeganAndDavid    Friday, June 29, 2007 11:37 AM

re: Not a Hottie Anymore

I look back at some of my old photos and I am amazed at how much I have changed and how much time has changed where I thougth I would be.  Sometimes I feel like I didnt' do enough or have enough experiences before getting married, but then again, I wouldn't have the wonderful life I have now if I didn't make those choices and have some regrets.  I think that looking back can help you determine what you want in your future.  Now that you are with your DH (who is a lucky man and who should take you on a vacation ;) you are at the beginning of a whole new life, and you didn't stop being who you were, you are just that much better for having had that life before getting married.  Sometimes I wonder what if, but then I look at our wedding and honeymoon pictures and all of those feelings disappear.  I know I wouldn't have what I have now, or experienced what I have if things were different, and I wouldn't give that up for anything.

I don't have children of my own, but working with babies and with people who have children, I realize that your life begins again when you have a child and things you have forgotten about (like my imagination has been on vacation since finishing college) are brought back to the forefront when you start seeing life through their eyes.

I think you need a good vacation (long weekend at a b and b even) and time to reconnect with DH and you'll remember how much of a hottie you still are!

Posted by lipp82    Friday, June 29, 2007 2:45 PM

re: Not a Hottie Anymore

I am heavier than I was back 3 years ago before I quit smoking.  I have been with my husband since I was 18 and still in high school.  After my mother passed away in Oct. of 2000 he moved right it and that was it - he takes such good care of me and had helped me every step of the way but  I always wonder what would of happened if I went away to school if my mother had not passed away - how different my life would be.  I had always planned on going away to college until my mother got sick and I had to stay home and take care of her and my younger brother.  I was kinda forced to be a grown up - I had to go out and get a full time job and support myself and my brother after she passed away.   I would of love to be like every other kid would graduated from high school.  Go away to college and come on to your parents house on weekend to do your wash.  But that is not the case and everything happens for a reason.  There is a reason I married my husband and there is a reason you married yours.  

Posted by JackieMac824    Sunday, July 01, 2007 5:39 PM

re: Not a Hottie Anymore

Hi Hon. Your blog got me teary eyed, and I just had to write you, let you know that it will be ok, this too shall pass.

I really want to encourage you to take a trip. Alone.  Nobody else. You need this truly, for your own peace of mind, sanity and sense of well being.  I was going through a really difficult time a few years back, and I took my friend up on her offer of utilizing her Buddy Flight Passes through her job with Delta. I packed up some clothes in a backpack and stayed at Hostels in different cities throughout the southern states, all by myself. Not only did it become something that I am really proud of doing, (New Orleans can be pretty scary when you're all alone.... at night), but it gave me some time away, to clear my head. I came back feeling so much better, and eager to look at my life in a different, more positive perspective.

I know that mine is a pricey example, but girl, if you can just pack it up and go somewhere, just for a few days, even a weekend....enough time for your Husband to miss you and for you to miss him.... you can recharge your batteries, and remember who you are to begin with. Bring a journal, and "write it out," as I always say. Then, keep, burn it, whatever. Just get it out so can come home and leave the regrets behind you, and be committed to making a change in yourself. Going to the gym, cutting out the sugars from your diet, etc. You need it.

Also just remember one thing.... many years from now you are going to look back at the pictures from this present time in your life, and feel the same way again, wishing you looked like you did when you were this age. And finally, you love your husband, you really don't need any convincing of that, and neither do we. You guys just need to reconnect, take a breather and BOTH, (him equally included), make a conscious effort every day to make each other feel loved and beautiful and special. Take some time for yourself, and remember that looking back on a man you were never meant to be with, (if you believe everything happens for a reason) is a great waste of valuable, precious time. I know you will be ok. It will pass.

Posted by jenallen5    Friday, July 13, 2007 3:14 PM

re: Not a Hottie Anymore

Hey edmo, I was reading your post and kind of glad to see that I am not the only one who feels this way.  Its really easy sometimes to look back at photos (typically taken on happy occasions) and only remember the good.   I too remember being thin (and beating myself up for being fat) and going out with my friends and having a blast.  I think back to times with my ex-boyfriend that were really great and special and its easy not to think about why we are not together anymore.  I used to live near my friends and go out all the time and I looked good.

A far cry from the homebody life my husband and I are so comfortable with now.   Rounding out 6 months of travel in Europe, we have spent the last two weeks (and the next three weeks too) in our apartment packing and watching movies.   There are fun times and there are boring times.  It can't all be exciting right?

But heres another thing to remember.   Everyone looks better at 23 than at 30.   Its like somehting happens the last night of our 29th year.   Nothing fits the same anymore, the weight is harder to lose.   Somehow my skin is worse now than it has ever been (probably because of pregnancy hormoes though).  Anyhow, I am a more fullfilled, enriched person now than I have ever been.   I am so happy with where my life is, and the direction it keeps heading in.  I will take that over size 4 jeans.

One more thing, I saw your page and you are gorgeous.  Your husband is very lucky.  I agree with the others - you deserve a trip even if its by yourself.  Go to NYC or LA and chill for a few days.  I did this with my girlfriend.  We went to LA and stayed with a friend (for free), we split all our meals and shopped very little.  It was a really fun time and it was great to reconnect with my best friend without the husbands.   We promised we would only spend a set amount and in the end it worked out perfectly!   Also take advantage of sites like Site59.com where you can get last minute weekend deals on vacation packages.   Good luck and remember to post about the trip you take!

Posted by MrsMLvK    Monday, July 16, 2007 6:20 AM

re: Not a Hottie Anymore

Hi,

      I have to agree with MrsMLyK   I checked out your page and you are a knock out! I would venture to say that all you need is to refresh a little. Everyone has those times where they just feel down about things in their life and question what would have happened if..... but try to remind yourself that  life happens the way it was meant to. If you find yourself thinking about your ex and remebering how happy you were, remind yourself of why you two are not together. Also think of all the wonderful moments you have had with your DH and how in love with him you are. Hopefully you and DH can work out a compromise so that you can go on a vacation and recharge together... maybe if you plan far enough in advance it won't be such a stretch. Even if going on a long vacation dosn't work out,  my advice is to spoil yourself, take a day when you have time to yourself, get  your hair done, get a pedicure, get a facial (even if you do at home facial stuff it will still feel good to spoil yourself!) whatever makes you feel the most beautiful! Then the next day pull out your sexiest outfit and go out! You should plan a whole day for just you and your DH to spend together. Make a deal that you will make this a day about you two being happy together... no talk about work or money or babies.... Just you! Go to your favorite places or somewhere new that you have just been dying to go even if its close to home.  rekindle the romantic gorgeous and in love couple that is in  your pictures..... hopefully that will remind you that you are still very much alive and vibrant and  there is SOOOO much life ahead for you and your DH!  

Posted by Ashleigh Elbert    Monday, July 16, 2007 10:34 AM