Mental Note: Husband Not Yet a Responsible Adult (very long)
Posted
Wednesday, July 25, 2007 1:36 PM
Last night was the worst night I've experienced as a married woman. I feel guilty even writing about it because it makes my husband look really bad, and he isn't as careless and thoughtless as this will make him seem. Nevertheless, it happened, and maybe I'll feel better writing about it.
Chris's good friend Tan, who he rarely gets to see or spend time with, asked him to meet up at a local bar after work. He had already left to meet her before I got home from work. I spent my free time watching tv, ordering photographs through the internet, and washing dishes. I didn't even realize it was so late when Chris called at 10 pm. At that point, he'd already been out for about 4 hours, so I figured he was probably drunk. He said he'd be home in half an hour, and when I asked if he was too drunk to drive, he said, "God no, I quit drinking an hour ago."
One hour later, he still wasn't home. Let me preface this with he DID NOT get into a car accident. It is starting to sound that way, and I want to clear that up before it seems worse than it was. So around 11:15, I called him wondering where he was. He sounded kinda drunk at this point and said he was walking out of the bar to head home. I told him under no circumstance was he to drive. I said I'd be out there to pick him up. He fought me for a minute, saying he hadn't had anything to drink for the past hour (which, judging by the fact that he said that an hour and a half ago, and I certainly know he hadn't refrained from drinking for 2.5 hours by then, was a total lie).
So at 11:30 pm on a week night, I got into my car and drove to pick my adult husband up from the bar. The whole time I was fuming about how irresponsible it was to go out and get smashed knowing he had to drive home and work the next morning. I started dialing his cousin who he works with to ask him if he'd pick up Chris on the way to work the next morning, but a call came through my phone before I had the chance to finish entering the phone number. It was Chris. He told me where he was outside the bar, and I told him I was just right around the corner.
As I approached the bar, Chris gave his friend Tan a hug, I waved hello, and then Chris started walking towards my car. Then he suddenly detoured to his own car, but I just assumed he was getting something out of his car that he would need for work the next day. Nope, all of a sudden, his car passes right by mine on the street. I started following him and pulled up next to him and asked him what the bleep he was doing in his car! He said, "Oh, I'm fine to drive," and took off. There was nothing I could do at that point because to try and stop him on the road would have been even more dangerous. So I followed him home, panicked the entire time. He swerved slightly a few times, he drove way too fast, and he stayed entirely too close to the car in front of him, to the point that he was riding his breaks the whole trip home (which thankfully was only a few minutes).
I was FUMING. Not only did I get out of my house close to midnight to pick his sorry butt up, but I certainly didn't do so for him to just drive himself home anyway. Did he think I came out there to follow him home, as if him driving wasn't bad enough, but me seeing him do it made it ten times worse. When he got home, he stumbled a bit towards the door. I got out of my car and slapped him right across the face. How dare he do that to me and to be so careless driving while drunk and endangering other people. Then of course he got mad at me! Isn't that how it always is when someone gets drunk?
It was pointless to yell at him the things I wanted to yell because it would have fallen upon deaf ears and he wouldn't have been able to process it the way I would have wanted him to anyway. So I got straight in bed and told him he is not allowed in bed with me. Well, my drunk stupid husband was not about to sleep on the couch, so he continuously tried to get in bed. I continuously pushed him out. Because if we were to sleep in the same bed together with me as mad as I was, I would have strangled him in the middle of the night. He said I was acting like a 17 year old. Me! Me, the sober one acting like a responsible adult. So I took my pillow downstairs to the newly finished basement (thank god for that) and set up my bed on the futon. The pups followed me because when mommy is mad at daddy, mommy always wins the love and support.
Of course this morning my husband woke up with the most gut-wrenching feeling he's ever felt, and it wasn't the alcohol. He really wasn't that drunk, just buzzed enough to be a complete idiot for driving home and acting the way he did. He felt like a total failure as a husband, a man, a person. He basically crawled downstairs with shame on his face and begged me to forgive him, that he knew "I'm sorry" wasn't enough and felt dumb even trying to say it. I'm glad he knows how terrible of a thing it was that he could have been in an accident, killed himself or someone else, or just gotten pulled over and been faced with the incredibly expensive DUI process.
My husband really is a good person. He's so responsible, to the point where I usually do look immature around him. Hopefully he'll never do anything this stupid again or treat me as badly as he did. I'm just so disappointed in him, and I really wonder how he could have justified driving considering that my cousin just recently nearly died in an accident (not alcohol related, but it shows how quickly life can almost end). I might act weird around him when I get home tonight. I might even ignore him for awhile until I feel comfortable talking to him about something other than last night. I already told him everything I wanted to tell him, and I don't want to keep repeating myself. He got it the first time. I already expressed how I feel and he completely understands and apologized. He's the one who has to feel better about this now.