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Will I be in bliss or will I be a mess?

Posted Monday, October 15, 2007 11:34 AM

A good friend of mine experienced a really horrible weekend.  Her older sister lost her baby at 21 weeks pregnant.  She had been spotting for the past week or so, but it wasn't a lot and her baby was still moving.  She had an appointment with the doctor scheduled for today (when she would also discover the sex of the baby), but on Friday her water broke and she was taken to the ER by ambulance.  She lost all her amniotic fluid and began contractions.  The doctors told her she might deliver an alive baby, but it would die shortly after.  Not wanting to see her new baby gasping for air and dying, she prayed it would be born already dead.  And he was.  It was such a sad experience for the entire family. 

I can't even fathom such an experience.  To go through labor, to deliver a child, and to not take that child home, I can't even imagine.  I know some women experience worse circumstances than this one, but it's hard just the same.  It makes me feel sort of scared and hesitant to get pregnant.  This is the third story this week I've heard of someone losing their baby after 20 weeks.  You spend the whole first trimester just hoping you make it through, and then you feel safe.  But I guess you really don't.  You never know.  I don't want to experience my whole pregnancy afraid something might happen, but at the same time, do I want to get really excited and invested in something when the same thing could happen to me? 

I know I'm not there yet, but when I am pregnant, I hope I'm so excited and the thought of losing the baby never enters my mind.  I hope to go through the whole experience blissful and full of hope.  At the same time, I know me, and I know I will keep in the back of my mind that I could lose it all up until the very end.

My husband wants to wait until the 13th week to tell anyone, something I've always heard referred to as "the safe zone."  That seems kinda silly now.  I guess there really is no such thing.  Waiting until after the time frame where miscarriage is most common is of course the route we will take, but telling people at 13 weeks certainly won't make me feel any more secure that the baby will stick.

Posted by edmo
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re: Will I be in bliss or will I be a mess?

Oh.. that is so terrible! I hate to hear that about your friend. I'm the same way, in teh past I thought I would wait till 13 wks to tell anyone but it seems like its just as common for someone to loose their child even after that mark. How's the medicine working out for you?

Posted by amandag56    Monday, October 15, 2007 11:06 AM


re: Will I be in bliss or will I be a mess?

Oh...I'm so sad for your friend and will say a little prayer for her.  Just when I get all whiny and pathetic about STUPID things, I hear about something like this and it puts me back in my place - remembering to be thankful for all the blessings and to stop focusing on insignificant thoughts.  Try to remember that for every sad tragedy, there are lots of happy endings/beginnings too.  My thoughts are with you and your friend today and I'll put my own selfish complaints aside and focus on I have to be thankful for.  

Posted by DANGERUSS & MITTENS    Monday, October 15, 2007 12:18 PM


re: Will I be in bliss or will I be a mess?

I'm so sorry to hear about this.  One of my husband's TKD students just lost her baby (I think she was about 12 weeks along), and it's just so sad.  My mother lost my sister 5 months in almost 11 years ago now, and I still have issues dealing with that at times.  I just truly pray everything goes smoothly for us and that I am able to keep stress to a minimum so that it doesn't have any negative consequences.  I'll be praying for your friend and her family.

Also, I don't think we'll tell anyone until around the 13th week, either.  There's no true safe zone, of course, but I would dread telling everyone early on about a pregnancy only to soon after inform them of our loss.  I know I wouldn't want to hear everyone's condolences, as odd as that may seem, so yeah.

Posted by Choensa    Monday, October 15, 2007 7:11 PM


re: Will I be in bliss or will I be a mess?

I'm so sorry for your friend and her family. I don't believe in telling anyone until around that time too. Most miscarriages that occur will occur before the "safe zone" that's so sad though. I could not imagine. When you do get preggers (lol i know you hate the term i said it to be funny) just keep saying your prayers and know that life is already written.

My best friend lost her baby a couple of weeks after he was born. It's really sad but try not to think abou the sad things.

Posted by jade_sweatpea    Tuesday, October 16, 2007 10:59 AM


re: Will I be in bliss or will I be a mess?

That is so sad.  I cannot even imagine going through that - after all this time of TTC if I did get pregnant and then only to lose the baby - I would be a mess.  But if I ever do get pregnant I will try not to think about all the bad things that could happen.  If we always thought about all the bad things that could happen to us we would never leave the house - you will be fine.  You will be in bliss, I just know it.

Posted by JackieMac824    Wednesday, October 17, 2007 10:16 AM


re: Will I be in bliss or will I be a mess?

I'm terribly sorry for your friend.  I'm at 20 weeks and still haven't told everybody (though it seems those I have told are taking care of it for me).  The truth of the matter is, however, that you never stop worrying about something tragic happening to your child, even when they are the age you were when you gave birth to them or older.  Hopefully things will be better for her next time.

Posted by Princess_Ariel    Friday, October 26, 2007 3:22 PM


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About edmo

I am creative, observant, smart, honest, romantic, funny, bossy, and ridiculous all at the same time.


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