What I've learned about life, through my husband...
Posted
Tuesday, May 06, 2008 1:40 PM
In honor of our 2nd anniversary, I decided to dedicate a whole blog entry to what my husband has taught me about life, love, and men.
1. Jealousy will get you no where. I'm not a jealous person by nature, especially when it comes to relationships. The only time I'm ever jealous is when someone I know is hired for their dream job, buys their dream home, drives their dream car, or shops at their dream stores. Then my husband reminds me to never want what other people have, that it doesn't pay off in the end to compare my life with anyone else's life. And it's true, perhaps that dream car has a really high monthly payment that I'd never want to make, or those new diamond earrings went on a credit card with an already excessive balance. You never know with anyone else, so stick to what you do know.
2. Marriage is not a transformation of two people into one. Many of you will disagree with this, but this is how I feel about it. Marriage is two individual and unique people who become two individual and unique people who share their lives. They don't become one because becoming one would mean losing the identities of the individuals. Chris and I are very different. We didn't become this joint unit of similar thoughts, ideas, and actions. We became two people who compromise, discuss, and learn from each other. I teach him how to be spontaneous and he teaches me to be calm. If we were just one person, we wouldn't be able to feed off each other the way we do. And I certainly love what he has brought to my life.
3. Men dream about the future too. Sometimes when I can't fall asleep at night, I run through every single detail of the next big event in my life. Before we got married, I would think about our wedding day over and over, considering every single word spoken, how my hair would look, and what our guests would be wearing. After we started TTC, I would envision telling my husband that I'm pregnant, how he would react, and how we would tell our families. Now I lay in bed guessing how labor will be and who will be the first people we call. I found out that my husband does the same thing. He told me last night that I look just how he imagined his wife to look pregnant. I nearly cried (but I'm not a crier, so of course no tears showed) because when you feel so fat and distorted as a human being, it's amazing to know you look and act just as your husband had dreamed you would. He loves pregnant women, always has. He complimented my best friend regularly throughout her entire pregnancy, and he's always pointed out pregnant women to me and said how cute they looked. To know that this is what he imagined, even though I have been feeling like I'm a nightmare in his eyes, it feels really good.
4. Love is more than saying "I love you," more than buying little gifts for each other, more than a massage late at night for no reason. Love is an overwhelming desire to be with, care for, and support one another. Chris loves me differently than I love him. I enjoy surprising him with small notes and his favorite candy, I tell him how I feel as soon as I'm feeling it, and I want dates and alone time to just enjoy him. Chris however loves me by going to work every single day even though it emotionally and physically exhausts him, by coming home safe every night, by managing our 401Ks and our life insurance policies, by eating dinner with me even if it's in front of the TV, and by fixing up the flaws in our home to make it just perfect for me and our future baby. It's not romantic, it's not like you see in the movies, but he loves me by showing me that no matter what he will make everything okay in the end. That sense of security truly is more valuable than a written letter expressing his inner thoughts or a present from the mall.