My man and I met at a summer camp and have been inseperable ever since. He proposed in August of 06 and we are to be married in August of 08. I'm attempting to do this on a low budget in the most laid back way possible, but only time will tell how it really ends up.

The ring saga continues

Posted Monday, February 25, 2008 8:53 PM

So I sent the "friendly" e-mail to the jewelers saying their man ( the son of the pair that owns the place) said he'd get back to us within a couple days two weeks ago and that we'd like to get it straighted out and over with.  On the e-mail, which was actually a "contact us" form, they asked "How would you prefer to be contacted?"  I chose e-mail.  In the body of text I sent them, I said (at least once, if not more) "it would be best if you contact M about this, it's his ring, here is his contact information (I gave both his e-mail and phone number)."

The next morning, the office manager (the only employee not related to family that owns/runs the place) CALLS (yeah, I said e-mail contact) ME (yeah, I said call M.)  AND all she says in her message is that "we have a ring a lot like the one M chose, come in and see it."  Once the fumes stopped coming out of my skull I called her back... um... no... You see, we already came in and looked at the rings and M didn't like any. The son told us he'd be getting the new catalogues that week (yeah, the week of February 4th) and he'd call M about it.  (M also pressured the son saying it was their mistake they quoted us the wrong price and while to expect the jewler to pay the difference wasn't fair, neither was him getting a sub-par ring).

So I call the office manager back and tell her this, and she says, "oh, well, I'll talk with the son and see what he says" Ok, that's fine I tell her, but she should really be contacting M, it's his ring, his decision, I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS... and within 15 minutes she called ME back.  I didn't answer.  Her message said they'd be getting the catalogues soon and she'd call me this week.  Honestly, if they don't listen to a gd thing I have to say AND they screwed up our order AND they took 2 weeks to get back to us, I'm pretty much ready to ask for my money back and find rings elsewhere.

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On a completely different note, I'm still not sure how to talk about the wedding with my fiancé.  He says "I'm helping!" and I'm not 100% sure what he means by that.  Not to knock him, he's a great guy and he is busy, he's in AmeriCorps this year, running an afterschool program for below proficiant students and makes next to nothing and is always super stressed out... On Friday, I sat on the floor next to him with all the color cards with bridesmaid dress color options on them, as much as he feels "he's helping" all I got from him was a "do I really have to do this" vibe.  BUT I sat down with him one day to go over everything we need to get done before the wedding, this was his chance to "opt out" of whatever wedding planning he wanted, but he opted to help with everything... ugh.  So now I feel I can't move forward with planning without his approval/"help" but I also feel he's still unwilling (or maybe just plain doesn't want to) talk about it at all.  Just the word "wedding" seems to bring his hackles up.  (AND, I've said it before and I'll say it again, I don't really like weddings, I like nothing about them, I have no desire for a wedding, but he told me his family loves this kind of thing and would be sorely disapointed if we did not have a "grand event".) 

So, how can I a)get him to not freak out when I mention the wedding (which is harder still because I don't think it's concious any more, in fact, he'd probably deny he freaks out) OR b)relinquish his "planning rights" (so to speak) so I can dole them out to friends and family who keep asking if they can help.  I don't care if he wants me to do it all, in fact, I'd love for him to say, "just plan the freaking thing and check in with me for big decisions." But no... he wants to help...

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Comments

re: The ring saga continues

Wow. I know you don't know me.. but I have to tell you to be truthful with your FI. I just dealt with this same problem and I told him if he can't help with a joyous heart, than I don't want his help. If he wants to help, let him but tell him "Here is a list of things that need to get done, this is your list. You have till this date... to get it done. If you don't think you can get it done by then, then let me know so I can get someone to help me" You have then covered all your bases!! Good Luck!!

Posted by David&Cherokee    Monday, February 25, 2008 4:06 PM


re: The ring saga continues

I did the same with my FI.  I gave him certain chores to complete.  Really, I don't think he has any input over BM dresses or favors or font.  So instead, I assigned him honeymoon, rehearsal dinner, and boy's tuxes and gifts.  He feels like he's helping, he's stressing over his part, and I make all the tiny decisions that he's not concerned with.  That way, I don't have to rush to him to finalize colors, ribbons, etc.  Works perfect for us.

Posted by oneluckygal    Monday, February 25, 2008 4:48 PM


re: The ring saga continues

I asked my FI which things he'd like to be in charge of.  I settle all the issues down to a couple choices I prefer and then I walk to him and say "Pick One" he does and we move on.  If he doesn't then I say..."I like this one, what do you think?" and he chooses.  I have once a month craft days to complete all the things I have planned...I planned out the tables, the decorations and everything and then I put the list in front of him and said "Which one of these do you want to be in charge of?" He picked one.  I helped him choose by saying "I'd love to have a guest card box shaped like a castle, but everything I've seen is so tacky...you're an artist - could you create something like that?"  Suddenly his talents are useful in his mond and he takes it.  He hasn't done anything with it yet, but I'm buying the base materials and will give them to him.  In the beginning he drove me insane with saying he wanted to be a part of every decision and then not wanting to deal with it at all.  This keeps us sane.  Let us know how you make out!

Posted by faemoon    Friday, February 29, 2008 10:35 AM


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About E's

Mid-west, mid-twenties, mid-sized city girl.


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