Sad for our friends

Posted Thursday, November 15, 2012 10:49 AM

So, this is the only place i can express this, mostly because no one reads this and no one really knows that i have this blog.  Two of our friends had been dating for 2 years.  Last night he asked to come over for the night (he lives WAY out of state) and when he got here, proceeded to pour himself a drink and announced that they broke up last night.  

I'm not sure what i'm more upset over: the pain i saw in his face, the pain i know she is going through, the loss of the wonderful love they displayed on a regular basis, or what this is going to mean for our group as a whole.

I know he is really upset.  I could see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice as he told us why.  He is still really in love with her.  He broke up with her because he knew it wouldn't go anywhere long term.  he said they had nothing in common other than enjoying going places together. for two years they had been spending almost every weekend together going to concerts, movies, and other activities but not really talking.  I know that there was another issue with their relationship that i have been aware of since they started dating and that was faith. His faith is a strong part of who he is.  She doesn't share his faith.  

I feel like i should have talked to her more about his faith, our faith.  I know how big it is to him.  I should have tried to talk more about what it meant to him and what a big issue it would be to him in the future.  He would have a hard time marrying a woman who didn't share his faith.  If he had married her, it would have been an issue in their marriage.  He told my husband that.  my husband didn't outright tell me this, but he implied it.  

I know she will be upset, although she is too private of a person to post anything or reach out for help within our group.  She has her own circle from before we met that she will use for her support.  In the end, it might be best since my husband and i are friends with him.  She loves him, i know it. I could see it in the way she treated him, the way she looked at him, her smile when she was around him. This had been the longest relationship she has been in.  less than a month ago, she planned a surprise birthday party for him at our monthly game night. 

For the past 6 months, she had been posting engagement ring pictures and wedding dress pictures, and all sorts of other wedding and engagement related pictures.  When they were up the last time she and i talked in front of him about pinterest and she told him that he should look at something else on her pinterest.  In other words, she was trying to drop him a hint.    I told my husband because i wasn't sure he got the hint.  he doesn't always.  he hadn't. I now half wonder if i caused part of the downslide to yesterday.

I loved seeing them together.  They displayed the physical relationship that i sometimes wish i had with my husband, minus the intimacy.  His faith, i believe, kept that aspect out of their relationship. But he would always be putting his arm around her, holding her hand, kissing her, cuddling her wherever we were.  He showed the world that he was in love with her. my husband doesn't really like holding hands.  When we sit next to each other, i sit taller than him, so he can't really put his arm around me with ease. i tend to make the move to be affectionate in public.  Part of me has enjoyed seeing them like this, because it often caused my husband to  be a little more affectionate.  (i know this is something i should talk to my husband about, and i will be working on it)

I am sad because i  know that a major part of the time we spend with our circle will be over.  We had a group of three couples who spent one weekend a month playing games together.  It was an ongoing game that i don't think can continue now.  She was a vital part, and she was not a part of the original group so i know she won't continue to go.  The other couple, my husband and he were all friends in college.  She was one of my circle.   our game nights started 3 years ago.  she has been with us for almost 1 1/2 years.  

I am sad for our friends, for their love, for the joy they brought to us and all of the people they spent time with, and for those of us who knew them as a couple.  I hope that they will both find joy and happiness with someone at some point and that until then find comfort in their friends and family and knowledge that we all still love them and want the best for them.