Posted Thursday, November 15, 2012 10:49 AM
So, this is the only place i can express this, mostly because no one reads this and no one really knows that i have this blog. Two of our friends had been dating for 2 years. Last night he asked to come over for the night (he lives WAY out of state) and when he got here, proceeded to pour himself a drink and announced that they broke up last night.
I'm not sure what i'm more upset over: the pain i saw in his face, the pain i know she is going through, the loss of the wonderful love they displayed on a regular basis, or what this is going to mean for our group as a whole.
I know he is really upset. I could see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice as he told us why. He is still really in love with her. He broke up with her because he knew it wouldn't go anywhere long term. he said they had nothing in common other than enjoying going places together. for two years they had been spending almost every weekend together going to concerts, movies, and other activities but not really talking. I know that there was another issue with their relationship that i have been aware of since they started dating and that was faith. His faith is a strong part of who he is. She doesn't share his faith.
I feel like i should have talked to her more about his faith, our faith. I know how big it is to him. I should have tried to talk more about what it meant to him and what a big issue it would be to him in the future. He would have a hard time marrying a woman who didn't share his faith. If he had married her, it would have been an issue in their marriage. He told my husband that. my husband didn't outright tell me this, but he implied it.
I know she will be upset, although she is too private of a person to post anything or reach out for help within our group. She has her own circle from before we met that she will use for her support. In the end, it might be best since my husband and i are friends with him. She loves him, i know it. I could see it in the way she treated him, the way she looked at him, her smile when she was around him. This had been the longest relationship she has been in. less than a month ago, she planned a surprise birthday party for him at our monthly game night.
For the past 6 months, she had been posting engagement ring pictures and wedding dress pictures, and all sorts of other wedding and engagement related pictures. When they were up the last time she and i talked in front of him about pinterest and she told him that he should look at something else on her pinterest. In other words, she was trying to drop him a hint. I told my husband because i wasn't sure he got the hint. he doesn't always. he hadn't. I now half wonder if i caused part of the downslide to yesterday.
I loved seeing them together. They displayed the physical relationship that i sometimes wish i had with my husband, minus the intimacy. His faith, i believe, kept that aspect out of their relationship. But he would always be putting his arm around her, holding her hand, kissing her, cuddling her wherever we were. He showed the world that he was in love with her. my husband doesn't really like holding hands. When we sit next to each other, i sit taller than him, so he can't really put his arm around me with ease. i tend to make the move to be affectionate in public. Part of me has enjoyed seeing them like this, because it often caused my husband to be a little more affectionate. (i know this is something i should talk to my husband about, and i will be working on it)
I am sad because i know that a major part of the time we spend with our circle will be over. We had a group of three couples who spent one weekend a month playing games together. It was an ongoing game that i don't think can continue now. She was a vital part, and she was not a part of the original group so i know she won't continue to go. The other couple, my husband and he were all friends in college. She was one of my circle. our game nights started 3 years ago. she has been with us for almost 1 1/2 years.
I am sad for our friends, for their love, for the joy they brought to us and all of the people they spent time with, and for those of us who knew them as a couple. I hope that they will both find joy and happiness with someone at some point and that until then find comfort in their friends and family and knowledge that we all still love them and want the best for them.
Posted Wednesday, November 11, 2009 4:38 PM
some days it feels like the world is conspiring against me. there are 13 people in my workplace and circle of friends who are pregnant or have recently delivered their own little miracle. It's been almost 4 years and nothing. my heart breaks every time someone else tells me that they are pregnant.
i feel like there's noone i can talk to. my husband gets frustrated when i start crying over this. we got into a huge fight the last time. he just tells me that if i worked out and lost weight, we'd have a better chance, which i know is true, but some days you just want to cry and have someone hold you and tell you that the world sucks, but someday, somehow, it will be your turn to have your own child, which you've wanted for so long. over half of my friends are pregnant right now, all with unexpected and unplanned babies. the ones that aren't pregnant are the ones who don't want kids.
today i went to the hospital to see my friend who just gave birth to the most beautiful little baby girl. she was tiny and sweet and everything a newborn should be. and i held her as she slept. and wanted to scream. and cry.
i keep praying it will be my turn. the medicine didn't work. the charting is useless as the more stressed i get, the less i follow any sort of standard cycle. any sort of AI is non covered by our health insurance. my husband keeps telling me that the way we live, there is no way anyplace would select us as foster/ adoptive parents. when it gets like this, all i want to do is cry and scream and wish i could just stop breathing. all i want in the world is a child to love and care for, to hold and cherish. and i'm sitting here alone with my heart breaking becuase another friend got the dreams that i've been chasing for so long, just as an accident.
Posted Wednesday, October 24, 2007 7:38 PM
So for the past 5-6 months at work, i've been thinking of finding another job for one reason or another. Last Friday i hit a breaking point and decided that i had had enough and would go to the staffing service that Tim works through and see what they could do for me Monday morning. Well, things didn't work out that easy monday morning, what with the computer not understanding the formatting of my resume and all, so i didn't go, but instead updated my resume on monster.
I got home tuesday afternoon, after a kinda stressful two days and there were two phone calls waiting for me on potential jobs. one i discarded right away becuase it was retail and i kinda want an office job again. the other i thought would be perfect. So i called them back as soon as i got home from work today and the lady wants me to come in for a job interview on Monday.
The onyl problem is that the job would start training on the following monday, which doesn't give me time to give a 2 week notice. and i feel bad about it. I worked for these people in high school. They gave me this job two years ago and it helped me to get out of a job i really didn't like at the time. They have been flexible with me during the deaths of my grandparents. I feel like i'm deserting them by taking this job, which hasn't even been offered to me yet, and yet i don't want to give up this opportunity.
the new job sounds like it is far better than the job i'm at. $2 more an hour, plus at least 5-10 more hours per week, with a pay increase at 6 months. Full bene's, which we found out the hard way we don't have through my husband's job.it's about 20 minutes from the house, which is 10 minutes farther than my current job, but it is FULL TIME which means, better pay, and better benes. i don't get any benefits where i am now. not even an in store discount. but can i do that to my employers, one of whom considers me to be like a daughter to her? I just don't know what i'm going to do...
Posted Wednesday, June 14, 2006 8:48 PM
well, it's been an interesting week and a half.
We went to a friend of the family's wedding last sunday and froze at the outdoor venue. I felt so bad for the brides... one wore a strapless gown, the other just had a spaghetti strap top. They must have been freezing.
Friday was the bachelorette party for my sister-in-law Carolyn, which was fun. I felt bad that 4 of the people who said they'd be there never showed, but she had a great time anyhow, which is all that matters. Saturday was her wedding and I wound up working in the kitchen to help so that Mom Taylor and my two sil's could enjoy themselves... and wouldn't it figues, as i was getting ready to leave, my shoe breaks! At least it didn't break DURING the reception... that could have been bad... But the day turned out beautiful and she was so lovely and so happy, that's all that matters.
Other than that, i've lost 9lbs so far. and I'm going to try to lose at least 20 more by october, when Adrienne gets married. I felt like such a big fat blob when i went in there to get measured for my gown. They wanted me to get a size 26. I normally wear a size 18-20. I felt so fat when they told me a 26.
But i'm starting to enjoy the yoga videos on tv and am trying to do 20-30 min a day, as well as watching what i eat. Even if i only lose another 5 lbs, i should fit that dress in the size 24. Once this icky weather moves on, i'm going to start trying to ride my bike to work. As it stands, i'm back at the weight i was when i got married, so that's at least progress. I just hope i can look and feel better about myself. It's so hard.
Posted Thursday, June 15, 2006 5:50 PM
So I went up into the attic storage we have for our apartment today. I went up in search of an old photo album i had stashed there during the move to here about a year ago. Found it right on top, but decided to see what was in some of the other boxed i stashed there.
Found old stuffed animals, and lots of books. A few empty boxes from collectibles we keep down here and a few random pieces of memorabilia. Then I hit the gold mine! I found all of my summer t-shirts i hadn't seen in 2 years. Last year it didn't matter much becuase i was sick from june until the middle of august and didn't leave the apartment. Then I wore a uniform to work. Now i work in a job where i can wear what i want to, but i had nothing to wear. Now i finally do. Some stuff is a litte outdated, but i don't care. It will be nice to wear something other than the 9 shirts i've been rotating through. So yay me!
Posted Friday, June 16, 2006 8:40 PM
Tim stayed home sick today. He wasn't feeling well last night and kept me up half the night. He took too much psuedoephedrine and woke me up becuase he was feeling the effects of it. He woke me up becuase he was cold, becuase he was too hot and becuase he thought he didn't have a heart beat... that last one was a little odd, but he did, in fact, have a heart beat, so it was all good.
I just feel like when he stays home from work, i don't get anything done becuase i'm catering to him and his needs. I know that's what marriage is supposed to be about, but when he whines when i go to leave the room to make dinner, it gets kinda old.
and yes, i know i sound bitter today. It probably didn't help that we got invited to go out to dinner with his parents (which would have been a nice break from my diet), but he said no because he didn't feel good. I understand totally, but he had just gotten done saying how much better he's feeling and how he should have gone to work. Maybe he just doesn't want to spend time with his family, but still... all he's done all night is sit in front of the tv and i am so sick of that. GAHHHH!!!
Oh, well... vent is over for the night. he has tomorrow off, so i'm going to try to get some sleep so i can try to get some housework done tomorrow. goodnight.
Posted Wednesday, June 21, 2006 12:31 AM
So I decided to clean today after I got home from work and Tim's parents' house (I finished planting the veggie garden and talked to my father-in-law about the plans for the gardens out front).
I started small with the papers that have been left here there and everywhere and ended up picking up and organizing the dining room/entryway. I still have to put away the laundry that got dumped there when Tim did the laundry last week, but not worried about that yet. Put up some fake rose garlands aroudn the upper post of our bed and made the bed... found more books and trash under the bed and just in general picked up. I felt pretty pleased with myself for my accomplishments.
Tim's first words when he walked in the door were “Holy Heck! What happened in here?” totally wrecked my sense of accomplishment... Maybe it was the stack of boxes that need to go up into the attic on thursday... hmmmm....