The Nest

re: Long engagements

My DH and I were engaged for 6 months and to me it was long enough! Besides the point that we knew each other already for years, and our families knew each other too. So there weren't any sudden surprises. We did not live together before the wedding, for religious reasons, and we are loving each and every moment we spend together. (which is a lot since we work together 6 days a week) I think most couples wait so long to make sure that they are ment for one another. For us it was just instant. We started talking on Valentine's Day 2006 and on March 11, 2006 DH proposed! I guess it takes some people longer to get to that moment that they know for sure they are ment for one another. But, some may say living together before tying the knot saves them the headache and cash. So who knows? Everyone is born into a different environment, different idea and perspective. Some may think its not so important to marry right away. Others see no other way but to get married. I think anyway.

Posted by oki23    Saturday, July 14, 2007 8:35 AM

re: Long engagements

I honestly think engagements are lasting longer because couples are getting engaged too quickly and spend part of their engagement getting settled before actually planning the wedding.  And why do I think couples are getting engaged sooner...pressure.  There is so much pressure now on guys to ask.  I mean, you've been dating only a year and all your friends are asking, "When are you gonna do it?"  Girls start looking at dresses and hair styles before their boyfriends even ask the big question, sometimes even directly putting pressure on their boyfriends by setting deadlines.  No joke, my old roommate was buying centerpieces before her boyfriend even asked, and she said she wants a Christmas wedding so he better ask by February.  Seriously!  And another girl I know told her boyfriend he better do it by the time she turned 25, and when he didn't, she spent the whole day crying.  He did ask 6 months later, but she was so annoyed that she just said, "It's about time."  These are real stories!  So I think the pressure is there to propose sooner.  And at that point, since you've got the ring, you can feel more relaxed about actually planning the ceremony.  I think so many people don't want to necessarily be married, they just want to be engaged.  That's the big thing now, getting the ring and being able to say you WILL be getting married, that's all that matters.  Then a year and a half later, you realize you better just do it.

We got married one year after our engagement, but that's because we were planning a destination wedding and needed to give people some time to save.  I was all for getting married as soon as I could get the wedding planned, but it didn't work out with our family's budgets.  Either way, it worked out well.  I just think an engagement should be the time you spend planning the wedding.  An engagement isn't the "next phase" of a relationship.  It's originally intended to be the span of time if takes to plan the wedding, the name you give the planning stage.  So for it to be the state of your relationship when you don't even have a date set, that's bizarre to me.  Now, if your date is set and it's two years away, then great.  At least you know you're in this engagement for a reason, with an actual end point (marriage) determined.  But to just be engaged and say, "Oh, maybe next year sometime, or in two years" - I don't get that.

Posted by edmo    Monday, July 16, 2007 12:45 PM

re: Long engagements

I think a lot of it has to do with crazy wild weddings people plan now.  I had a budget (originally 10,000 but upped to 15,000 - my parents' money), so I had to prioritize.  Brides now are told they have to have open bar, the best place, the best food, crazy cake, crazy dress, etc. . . DH's cousin was engaged for 2 years because they wanted a specific church (not the one they went to - just for prestige) and it was booked that far in advance.  I wanted a 6 mo. engagement, but we ended up having a 10 mo. one b/c of booking and schedules.  

A lot of people are also getting married later, so they pay for their own weddings and have to save for them.  My family was very insistent about paying for it and the traditional roles.  

And I think where you live/culture is different too.  My family has always dated 1-2 years, been engaged for < 1 year.  But DH's family dates for 4-6 years and are engaged for 2+ years.  I'm from rural south; his family is from New England.  There were very different expectations about what a good wedding entailed.  

I did have a time frame in mind for proposing, etc, but not because I just wanted the ring - I was ready to marry him!  It couldn't happen soon enough.  And I want to have kids while I'm "young and stupid," so I can have fun at 45 instead of 65.

Posted by Mrs. Rachel A.    Wednesday, July 18, 2007 4:46 PM

re: Long engagements

Oh, and everyone asked how I found the church, that is was so cute, and it was my family church (that was free b/c I was a member).  ;)

Posted by Mrs. Rachel A.    Wednesday, July 18, 2007 4:47 PM