JackieMac824's Blog

My new favroite baby name

JackieMac824 — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 13:44:00 GMT

For a girl

Tea - it means Gift of God.

Like the actress Tea Leoni - she has been in the news alot lately with her husband and his sex addiction - so I have been hearing the name alot and I like it - alot.

Tea Regina - sounds good right - and an added bonus - it is short - I wanted a short first name because our last name is so long.

I need to be thankful for what I have

JackieMac824 — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 14:02:00 GMT

All I do is complain and say how life is not fair - and have myself a pity party. I really need to stop doing that - it is just way to easier to be negative. But I have alot more than some peope out there. I am so very thankful for my husband - he has been so good throughout this whole infertility process. He goes to every single appointment with me and never complains - he even comes in the room with me and holds my hand while they do the IUI's. He is will to go to numerous doctors to treat his male factor infertility - he is even going to have the surgery. Most men would not. I am thankful that I have a good job with benefits and I am good at what I do. I am thankful for my nieces who are the cutest little girls in the world. I am thankful for my best friend Ricky - he always makes me laugh. I have so many wonderful things and people in my life - I need to focus on that and stop focusing on the things I do not have. I baby will come in time. I hope.

My 90210 Review

JackieMac824 — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 13:03:00 GMT

I liked it - I will watch it again - but it sure was different. All the girls were like rail thin - I was so glad to see Kelly back - I love her - but not too crazy about Brenda being back - I never really liked her to begin with - plus she looks horrible. I do like the character Naomi - she is the girl from Nip/Tuck and I think Ethan is cute. I am glad they brought Nat back but the Peach Pit is not the same. They also had Erin Silver on there and Hanna Zuckerman - I could not believe it. I saw the previews for next week and Jackie - Kelly and Erin mom is back too. I do not know if it can live up to the last 90210 but I will keep watching and see.

So Unhappy

JackieMac824 — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 14:27:00 GMT

I am sure it is the Clomid - but I am just so very unhappy. I hate my job but I have to stay here because I need the benefits and time off for appointments. I hate my friends right now - they are all sick of hearing about our IF and always change the subject when I bring it up anymore - they are totally not supportive and have no clue what I am going through - I wish I could just talk to one person in my real life who understands what I am going through and will let me vent. I am so unhappy that I am still not pregnant - I cannot believe sometimes that this is really happening to me - it sucks all of the time. I cannot believe we both have to have surgeries now - I do not want to have to do all of this work and have no reward - all of these months - all of the work and I still do not have a baby. I just want to cry. This is not the way I wanted my life to be - I feel so stuck in limbo - can't do or plan anything - because I am waiting to get pregnant and guess what - it may never happen - I may never have a child of my own. I am so very bitter today - all the children are going back to school and you see the parents putting their kids on the bus - I want that to be me. I want to be called MOM.

What do you use your vacation day for??

JackieMac824 — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 14:17:00 GMT

Me - I use mine for surgeries - yep that is right - no I am not like a normal person who actually uses their vacation days for vacation - of course not - that would be way to easy. Instead I will be using my two weeks of vacation time for surgeries. I already took three days off for DH's surgery at the end of September and I will take 4 or 5 days off for my surgery in Oct. I am very bitter today - I just want to be done with this already. I am so tired of coming into work early and still having to leave late because I have doctors appointment that I must make up my time for - I am tired of the drugs and needles and doctors and running around and spending so much money on OPK's and HPT's. I am doing all of this work and getting nothing in return - it has been two years now - enough is enough. I feel like it is not getting any easier either - just harder and harder and with each month that past I get more depressed that maybe this is never going to happen.

I know I am very lucky to even have the vacation time to take and I know I am lucky that my bosses left me leave for my million different appointment and make up my time - I am not taking it for granted - I just wish I I could catch a break.

IUI # 6 is a go.

JackieMac824 — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 13:40:00 GMT

I kept doubting myself regarding doing an IUI this cycle - since DH is having surgery at the end of the month - I kept going back and forth on whether we should even bother with a treatment cycle this month - well I talked to my RE and he thinks we should go ahead with the cycle and since it is 100% covered - what could it hurt. Plus that was the original plan all along - 3 IUI's with this new RE and then the Lap Surgery - so that is what I am going to do. I hope I am making the right decision - sometimes IF is so stressful - all of these big decisions - it is so hard to know for sure if they are right - I guess I should just listen to my RE.

Cannot get my Uggs again

JackieMac824 — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 19:26:00 GMT

I wanted to order a pair of black uggs last Jan and they were sold out to May - so I decided against it and thought I would just wait. So I got the bright idea today to go ahead and ordered them now - since it is August - they have to be in stock. Wrong - they ones I want are on back order - how can they be on back order already. I did get a pair of choclate brown ones though. I hope the black come back in stock before it gets cold. I may never get a pair of black Uggs.

So Unsure of myself

JackieMac824 — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 16:08:00 GMT

I keep going back and forth - I just cannot make a decision about this cycle - if I should do a treatment or not. I think maybe I have done too many IUI's already and I am wasting my time - I just do not know - the Re said three IUI's with him and the Lap Surgery - then what - injectables - I do not think injectables would work for me because I feel like I would produce way to make follies and have the cycle cancelled - I just do not know anymore - I wish someone could tell me the right thing to do - I am not ready for IVF - I am not ready for the needles, for the expense and for the finality of it all - if our first IVF cycle fails - that is it for us - we cannot afford to do another one for a long time. Today is CD 1 - I called the RE office to set up my treatment but the doctor is out today so he is suppose to call me back with my plan tomorrow - but I am thinking about calling and leaving another message telling him that DH surgery is at the end of the month and if he think that maybe we should wait until after the surgery to continue with IUI's. I think I am going to call - it cannot hurt to get some reassurance. I am making my head spin.