Life is....

I am sitting at my new desk

2008-05-07T20:31:00Z

Started new job today. It's a big open environment, so I am a feeling a little like big brother is watching me...and I don't have a big brother. The two brits that own the company are SUPER nice though. Of course, after 6 weeks of non-steady employment (9 day tenure at network job does not count and the awesome freelancing money still left me jobless for weeks) I get an incredible email from a ginormous, high-level exec at a huge name company emails me for a meeting. Nothing but an informal meet and greet, but the potential for SOMETHING is ridiculous...and even more ridiculous to be even THINKING of this possibility one day into a job I took for the long-term.

The took me out for lunch at a mexican restaurant..and I think it's a great time to pause here to say that there are stark difference's between "mexican" and tex-mex" food. I like "tex-mex"...and I don't like spice. We had spicy "mexican" food, so I sucked it up and ate a spicy taco...

the KICKER is that these two guys and I, who are STILL getting to know each other, have to witness the NYC screeching craziness of a customer discovering a COCKROACH on the floor of the restaurant. Even better was the fact that after the dastardly insect was properly extinguished, said customers sat back down and resumed conversation like NOTHING happened. Granted, they were done eating, but HELLO.

I had an excuse not to kill my poor taste buds for another second and was not questioned with the large leftover portion on my plate.

Job seems OK. I have a lot to learn in a different area of things. I have to convert from PC girl to a MAC one, so that will take a second. I already miss my right-click button. But the potential is pretty gi-normous at this small company.

One day in and I am already baby-dreaming for #2...

BUT, for right now I am sitting at my new desk.

I am a bad blogger....

2008-05-06T18:10:00Z

So it's been four days since I last wrote...

Bad blogger...very bad. I wound up going with Job #2, which I am excited about the stability for sure. And I start tomorrow, which is AWE-SOME.

Honestly, I am just happy that I am no longer obsessed and living the job hunt nightmare for now (no counting thy chickens before they hatch)

Now, I'll do a little "get to know me" la-di-da to make me feel a tad better for not keeping up like I kept telling myself I would when I restarted.

I am the third of six kids (five girls and one boy). I have a sister who is 14 years younger than me and we share the same birthday. I have no relationship with the woman that gave me life (some people would call her mother). My Dad is my best friend and also on his third marriage. My husband and I were best friends for 4 years before we got together (down and dirty know everything about each other type of best friends) I was engaged at 23 (7 days before I turned 24) Married at 25, and had my daughter B at 28. I ate mashed potatoes every, single day while pregnant. My daughter does not eat them. We bought a house last year that I constantly worry over being able to pay for. I take Ambien every night for sleep anxiety. I enjoy white wine (pinot grigio) and champagne (expensive champagne). My husband does a lion's share of the cooking and cleaning...but in my defense he shoos me away when I try to.

I worked for a "glamorous" type company for over 8 years before going freelance last year and then got into the "need a steady job" predicament. I just last week ended an EIGHT DAY stay at a huge well known network (we'll call it ANS)because I hated it more than life itself...and it could have been permanent. I second guess myself all the time, but always try to go with my gut.

My new job starts tomorrow and:

I am trying to not be a bad blogger.

I am in need of tires and toothpaste...

2008-05-01T17:30:00Z

I intended on setting a time every day to write this blog, and dammit I am going to try and do this. I am 2 hours past my set deadline (that you didn't know about and probably don't care), but I have good reason for it.

TWO JOB OFFERS today people. My Jehovah's Witness** life is about to come to an end and I now am saddled with the task of accepting and offer and quitting a job that I have been at for 8 days. I am shaking....literally.

Job 1--a freelance position working at a small production company. One week trial that turns into a 6 month gig that can turn into an 18 month contract (he is still negotiating with some people) GREAT money, 10 hour days, and a supervising position that would be fabulosity on my resume. Totally my skill set and I would be awesome at it (I know, HELLO OBNOXIOUS BEEYOTCH, but trust me I NEED to feel my ego again, I thought it was gone after the past few months.)

Job 2--staff position at an agency, tons of moving around room and a newly created position. I believe 8 hours a day. Less money than #1 BUT 4 weeks vacation and unlimited sick days (woohoo!) Plus, a cute Brit is the owner. Totally using my skills but different and new things I would have to learn and another avenue of career path I could explore in the future.

I am leaning like the Pisa towards #2 but it is a small company in the digital space (10 employees and a 10 employee London office) and I am afraid some bubble will burst and I will be out of a job...you know.

My Dad was SCREAMING into the phone to take #2, take #2...he has been on my freelance rollercoaster and man does he want off. I was thinking out loud that #1 does go through August of 2009 and he was like and then you will be out of work again! After we got off the phone I texted him, totally messing with him, "which one do you think I should take?"

Hey, you will get to know that there is a special place in hell for me.

So this job I sit at is hopefully history and I have to quit. There is a jerky little man I have to probably give the peace out to and I am just terrified. Do I tell them today or tomorrow...and when do I accept this offer?

I'll figure that out..my brain hurts from stressing over this. BUT Woohoo! Let's switch gears to what I was originally going to talk about.

My need for tiresand toothpaste. I got home from "hopefully history" job last night at 10 pm--

JUST IN TIME for Top Chef thank God!

And of course I am too wound up to go to sleep even though I am tired. So I start thinking and thinking...and thinking. The Ambien I popped HAS to start working soon I think...

(I have a teeny-tiny insomnia problem...well it's huge and I take drugs every night)

So I start thinking oh, we need tires on the car desperately, maybe I can do it on Saturday, no I can't because we are going to visit my dad, crap...and in complete rational thinking I think we need toothpaste for B (my two and a half year old) when can I swing by the store, well not at 10 pm when I get home from crappy job, crap...and then I fall asleep.

SO...

I am needing to accept a job, quit a job, and pick up some tires and toothpaste...(too bad I think Walmart is the devil or I would just go there but that is a blog post for a completely different time.)

And my peanut ego is tentatively growing to a cashew.

**Jehovan Witness life is the job I am presently at. They work ALL holidays, 365 days a year. Which makes sense because of who they are, but seriously that is not nice and very uncelebratory...like a Jehovah's Witness.

I am...like Desperately Seeking Susan Today

2008-04-30T15:58:00Z

So I am a 30 year old woman who last updated he blog in 2005. Hmmmm, am I a cliche person with commitment issues. I would sure the hell hope not with a five year marriage and a 2 1/2 year old daughter. But I am gonna give this the good old college try.

Even though it's been 9 years since college and I just made myself feel incredibly old.

So the whole point of this new blog attempt on my part is the fact that I feel like Facebook taunts me every day that I sign in with a "what are you doing?" type of headline. And of COURSE it let's all the world know when you last updated it. I know that an old HS aquaintance is tired in France (boo-freakin-hoo), that guy I went to college with is celebrating his two month anniversary of marriage (which made me giggle in a very UN-politically correct manner) amd that my little sister who is away at a huge University is wicked hungover and in class (there's that feeling old thing again)

And I think what am I? Every time I sign on I think that. Half the time I make an alcohol related comment.

"Looking forward to wine friday"

"Really need a martini" Keep it fresh and light right?

Why would I want to say I am:

"going on 7 days without sex because I am too tired, but need to give it up to my poor deprived husband soon"

"presently working at a job that I hate (even though everyone thinks it's awesome) because I couldn't find a good enough freelance gig in my field and needed to pull the strings of my father."

"still hungover from my Ambien from last night"

So here I am, laying those things bare here...

and today I am feeling like Desperately Seeking Susan because I am looking for an amazing job while I work at this place of cuckoos and nutballs that have been publicly lambasted in recent weeks and full of the "I hate my job" people. I have three potentials, but have already suffered the disappoint of "internal" hiring enough in the past couple of months to strangle someone (yes, I do get violent tendencies sometimes) I am overeager with an impressive resume (not trying to be snobby, but I know my stuff is good) in an industry that really only hires through "who you know". I suck at interviewing, I know I do...and I just want people to see what I know I can do for their company. And that is a damn good job.

So that is my frame of mind right now...