The Nest

If it's not one thing, it's another...

Posted Monday, September 03, 2007 9:40 AM

Two months ago I was going through some extreme health issues that had a bit of a ripple affect. I was diagnosed with gallstones, not a major deal but they were causing attacks of pain and therefor require surgery. Before I could even make it to my scheduled surgery, I somehow ended up with pancreatitis caused by my gallstones. This is a pain I would never wish on my worst enemy, and I'm pretty sure I remember correctly, is worse than labor pains. My pancreatitis was so severe that my husband had to rush me to the ER and I was admitted to the hospital for a week long stay in order to properly heal. I had to heal before they could do surgery to remove my gallbladder. I went without solid food for two weeks (a hell of a way to diet, but I did lose 10 lbs), missed a very close friends wedding which I was supposed to be in, went without seeing my son for 6 days (the longest we've ever been apart since he was born, I think our max had been 12-14 hrs), and racked up a medical bill like you wouldn't believe. I finally had my surgery and it seems to have solved all my problems, although I haven't touched alcohol since it can be the number one trigger for pancreatitis - which I'm still at risk of getting again with or without the gallbladder. Two months later and I'm healing quite well, my scars a minimal (all four of them), my diet is back to normal, and my weight is still down.

The down side to all of this was of course the obvious - pain - but more importantly, what it did to my son. We had never been apart for that long, and I had never NOT been home when it was time for bed. I am the one the puts him to bed every night. While hubby and I might both get him ready, or sometimes it's just one of us, I am without fail the only one that gives him his bottle and then puts him in his crib. And while I'm not usually the one to get him up in the morning, I am always home when he wakes. Of course there has been the rare odd night when a babysitter or grandma has had to put him down if I worked late, or hubby and I had a date night... but I was still there in the morning.

My little boy was so traumatized by me not coming home he could barely look at me the first day home from the hospital, and to make matters worse, I was not allowed to pick him up because of the pain, and weakness of my abdomen.

We're past all of that now, but boy did that little munchkin retaliate. He wouldn't come to me when I called, didn't want me to pick him up when I could, started throwing things at me, and hitting me. He was so confused and hurt by the sudden change and the absence of his mommy. It's been a rough road, but we're pretty much back to normal. Normal as in pre-gallstone attacks - which is pretty damn normal. THANK GOD. For those of you who are parents and have been lucky enough to never have to go through something like this, count your blessings. It is the hardest thing in the world to watch the person you love the most feel like you have willing rejected or abandoned them. And when they're so so small they can't talk, and they just barely understand what you're saying... how do you explain, how do you take the emotional hurt away. My heart was breaking in so many ways for those 4 weeks of major physical issues. I wanted to hold him, to pick him up and cradle him in my arms like I do at bed time, squeeze him in a giant bear hug and smother him in kisses, to roll on floor tickling him until he laughed so hard he couldn't breath, or scoop him up and run outside to see the airplane or helicopter that was hovering overhead. But all I could do for far too long, was kneel down and hug him and kiss him. As a mother - that's just not enough.

It seemed like I was ill/injured for years while we were going through the worst of it, and now that it's past it seems like an eternity ago. I'm so grateful to be healthy again, and to be able to hug and kiss and play and adore my son as much as possible!

This week, I'm PMS and it looks like my husband has somehow injured his elbow and may need to see a doctor. I'll gladly take the PMS and cross my fingers the elbow heals up quickly and naturally.