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Kim B.:
Ramblings of A Long Island Wife

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I'm hosting a pity party...(Semi-Rant)

Posted Thursday, April 16, 2009 6:29 PM

On most days, I'm great. Afterall, I am a pretty well adjusted individual who can most of the time find the bright side of a crappy situation.

Today, not so much. 

I miss my mom. So much sometimes that just the thought of her will make my throat feel tight and before I know it, I'm driving along in my car or fixing dinner with tears running down my face. It's been over eight months since I've last seen her face and almost nine since I've heard her voice. I miss that sweet, southern voice telling me how much she loved me. A lot.

I worry about my dad. Chemo has left him looking so small, so hollowed-out. I hate that I live so far away and that I'm missing out on getting to be with him and take care of him during his last months.

Sure, for more than the majority of the time I really am perfectly fine, with positive thoughts and a good outlook. I can rationalize that there is no way momma could have handled seeing dad so weak and eventually losing him. So of course she went first. And they really were always together, so it doesn't even really surprise me that dad is going to follow her so shortly after. But there are also days like today that the only thing I can feel about the whole situation is how much it sucks.

What sucks even more is that DH doesn't understand me at all on days like today. I'll tell him that I just need him to have a bit more patience with me because I'm not in the greatest of moods, to which he will respond that I need to not be so emotional.

Is it just because I'm not an emotional wreck 24/7 that he feels like I shouldn't have bad days? I'll tell him that I need him to give me more attention because I'm feeling pretty low and he'll look at me like I'm crazy. I know he doesn't understand how I'm feeling, I'm ecstatic that he doesn't, but he could at least have the patience to show his wife some empathy, comfort her with hugs, kisses, and reassure her that everything is going to be okay, even if he knows it's not going to be.

Instead, he makes plans with his brother to go out. His bright idea of dealing with the situation, I guess. Lucky me...

Posted by Kim B.
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Comments

re: I'm hosting a pity party...(Semi-Rant)

Oh honey! I am so sorry! I will not say it gets easier, because after 5 years I still really miss my mom. She died of cancer.

I am sorry your DH is acting insensitive. ((HUGS))

Posted by a.graves    Thursday, April 16, 2009 7:57 PM


re: I'm hosting a pity party...(Semi-Rant)

I have to tell you how much I admire your strength and always-optimistic attitude...it has amazed me since I became a Nestie and began keeping up with everyone's blogs!  And I think that you're exactly right about the notion that because that's the kind of person you are, when you DO have a bad day it seems magnified 100X in DH's eyes.  Mine is the same way and I am always thinking to myself, "Shouldn't you be a bit more compassionate since this is a rareity for me?   Men.

I am so sorry you're down today, but I hope tomorrow is better.

Posted by Feather11    Thursday, April 16, 2009 9:12 PM


re: I'm hosting a pity party...(Semi-Rant)

I second the comments already made.  Hope your week gets better, hun.

Posted by KiwiJ    Thursday, April 16, 2009 10:21 PM


re: I'm hosting a pity party...(Semi-Rant)

I am so sorry that you have to deal with all of this.  I agree with the others that I am amazed by how strong you are and at how well you are handling this.  Of course you are going to have down days, everyone does, even when they aren't going through what you are.  I'm sorry your DH isn't more compassionate to you when you do have a down day.  Maybe you could try expressing to him a little bit more about what you are feeling?  Maybe if he could understand a little better he would be more sympathetic.  I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.  

Posted by cc kennedy    Friday, April 17, 2009 12:38 AM


re: I'm hosting a pity party...(Semi-Rant)

I say... punch DH in the teeth and tell him your allowed to be emotional about your mom.  That's just my opinion though!

Stay strong, your doing very, very well and your totally allowed to have down days.  I hope you cheer up soon.

Posted by Ashley T    Friday, April 17, 2009 8:49 AM


re: I'm hosting a pity party...(Semi-Rant)

I totally agree also with what everyone has said so far.  Although I don't know you personally I admire how you handle such a tough situation...losing your Mom and your Dad following so close behind...I can't even imagine how you cope but you do it amazingly.  You are CERTAINLY entitled to having those down days...even those who haven't gone through such tragedy have down days...we're human afterall!!  Your DH should be lucky that you don't walk around depressed 24/7 with all you've gone and are going through, but rather that he has such a postive wife.  But of course he's a man and since he hasn't gone through what you have as of yet it's tough for him to understand.  Maybe instead of just saying you need him to be more patient and attentive you could really explain to him your feelings in more detail, try to help him understand...and also express to him that although you don't mind him making plans that during times like these you would love for him to stick around because that really means a lot to you and would help you get out of the slump.

Posted by Squishy 7-15-07    Friday, April 17, 2009 9:05 AM


re: I'm hosting a pity party...(Semi-Rant)

I agree with all the comments!  You are so strong and seem so balanced and happy usually so you are DEF entitled to some sad days.  I admire you being like this after losing one parent and in the process of losing another!  As for DH, I also second the comments - he's prob not used to you being sad (which is good in a way!) and he's a guy that hasnt gone through this so he's being somewhat insensitive but just tell him how you feel - maybe he doesn't get that he's being insensitive?  Stay strong!

Posted by NithyaV    Friday, April 17, 2009 9:19 AM


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About Kim B.

I am recently married and just moved to New York from my hometown in Pennsylvania. I have an amazing job teaching science to elementary students on Long Island, and I love to relax by scrapbooking, reading, writing, cooking, watching tv, and going out with my amazing husband :)


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