The Nest

Parenting Paranoia

Posted Wednesday, June 18, 2008 3:06 PM

Every so often I find myself in a panic over how I am doing as a parent and more specifically, a mother.  It's even harder when Jax's cousins are a month older/younger than him and are doing/not doing things that he is.  Because then the comparisons start coming in and this small bubble of anxiety wells up and explodes.

A few months ago (I can't remember if I blogged about this before or not) before Jax was done with daycare, the head lady asked if Jax ever spoke at home.  I told her that Jax gabs ALL the time although he doesn't speak in sentences and only actually says a few words.  A week later she asks Andy about it and says that she'd like to have him evaluated.  I figure since it's free no big deal.  So while Jax is at daycare they do his evaluation (with neither of us present) and the therapist sends us a note telling us that she's concerned that he doesn't say anything and didn't make a peep the entire time she was with him.  That night I bawled for 2 hours straight because I thought I was a crappy parent.  I made myself even more upset because I was trying to get him to say things and he just looked at me like a crazy person.  After talking to several friends and family, I calmed myself down and seriously thought about calling the daycare and telling them off.  Because one parent is SUPPOSED to be at the evaluation to help the child feel more comfortable with talking.  Plus one of Andy's extended relatives is a child speech therapist and said that there is absolutely nothing wrong with Jax and that as long as he talks at home, he's fine.

Anyhow.  I receive parenting updates from several websites and receive Parents magazine at home.  Every time I read them through, I ask myself if I'm doing enough to help Jax learn and become a socially responsible non sociopathic killer.  If I encourage him to play by himself too much am I making him anti-social?  If I cuddle him tons will he have an enormous  Oedipus complex?  Just stupid little things trigger this anxiety within myself. 

I'm not a schedule kind of person.  I've read in every book ever written (okay, I haven't actually read that many) that children/babies/toddlers thrive on schedules and love to know what's going to happen every day.  I'm more of the spontaneous sort.  If it's hot outside, let's go to the park, let's fill up the dino pool with water and splash around, let's color the sidewalk with chalk.  Or if it's too hot outside, let's watch a movie, let's chase each other around the house.  Sometimes I'll just sit here and knit while he runs rampant through his toy chest.  But if I'm doing something alone and he walks over with a book, we'll read it together.  Or if he interrupts me while I'm doing something, I'll pay attention to him.  Isn't that what's really important?  That no matter what you make time to listen to what they say (even if it's just screaming in your face and then giggling) and play with them when they apprach you with their favorite toy?  

The latest trip of my guilt is the watching of TV.  Now, we don't cable because we honestly don't watch TV all that often.  At least not a lot of the crap that's on cable.  So we have Netflix and a buttload of movies.  Usually in the morning if we're doing laundry or coloring, I'll pop in a movie for background noise.  I have to have background noise, I'm not sure what the deal is, but I like it.  Or in the afternoon we'll flip on mindless court TV shows so I can keep track of what time it is before we go to swimming.  Jax isn't the kind of baby who sits and stares and drools at the TV.  He'll watch for a bit and then run around the house.  Then he might sit down for a second and go back to playing with something else.  So I don't feel terrible about having the TV on a lot, but articles like the one in this month's Parents magazine made me feel like a dummy. 

Sometimes when I'm feeling down on myself, I think: Way back in the begining of time, or even 50 years ago, parents didn't have half as much sh*t as we do  now and those kids (aka our parents most likely) turned out just fine.  Or mostly anyway.