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Why do they need to know??

Posted Wednesday, July 16, 2008 6:54 PM

I survived the weekend trip to B-lo.  We got some Duff's wings (finally real wings!) and hit up Taste of Buffalo.  The baby shower was nice too.  I was afraid someone might start asking me about the baby time line, since it's been brought up in this group before.  It's an innocent enough question, but I always get defensive.  Why do people think they have a right to ask my reproductive plans?  Maybe it's my WASPy background, but I never thought I had a right to know intimate details about someone's life unless they were openly sharing with me. 

I was thinking about this again this weekend when some woman asked my friend how far along she was.  Yes, she's due in August, so she's obviously pregnant physically, but what made this woman feel like she had a right to ask her?  K's husband said quietly "we have friends we never knew we had ever since she started showing", and they both were looking very uncomfortable talking to this lady.  

I know some people are very open about their lives, and that's fine if you want to share details, but I felt so weird standing there while this complete stranger started asking unsolicited, intimate questions.

Then at work the other day, someone brought me an "extra" copy they had of What to Expect, because we are the only ones without kids.  I felt so awkward, because then everyone asked me if I was pregnant, and why would she bring me the book if i wasn't.  Geeze, I didn't ask for the freaking book...it looks like an old library book.  So I had to laugh and say, no we aren't.  Then they asked me when I was planning on trying!  Geeze??  They are nice and well meaning people, but I don't go around asking them about how menopause is coming along!  Hey, how's that dried up uterus of yours??  Fall out yet??

Am I overreacting?  I never thought I was sensitive about the subject until we started talking about baby.  I just want to let it happen when it happens and tell people when I want to tell people.  Ok, whiny blog...Maybe the heat and humidity are effecting my brain....

Posted by lipp82
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Comments

re: Why do they need to know??

I could not agree with you more.  People are entirely too nosy and obnoxious.  It was really presumptuous of that woman to give you a copy of What to Expect.  Whether or not you plan to have kids and when is no one's business but your own, yet people think they're well within their rights to ask it.  Yuck.  On another note, so jealous you got to have Duff's wings.  My parents are from Buffalo, and we grew up on that stuff.  That and beef on wick.  Yum.

Posted by mrsarmor2007    Wednesday, July 16, 2008 11:06 PM


re: Why do they need to know??

I totally agree with you about being asked if you are pregnant. I keep getting that question and never really know how to respond.

Posted by MrsDestroyer07    Thursday, July 17, 2008 2:52 AM


re: Why do they need to know??

OK, This frase: "They are nice and well meaning people, but I don't go around asking them about how menopause is coming along!  Hey, how's that dried up uterus of yours??  Fall out yet??" cracked me up!!!

Posted by AlwaysMrs.S    Thursday, July 17, 2008 6:59 AM


re: Why do they need to know??

I totally understand what you are saying...what if, God forbid, you are unable to have children...they don't know anything about you and maybe that is your situation.  I wonder what they would say to that if you kindly responded that you can't have them.....(this by no means is a dig to those people that can't have children...so please don't take it that way...it's just a "what if").  I hate how I have to put "warnings" on what I respond just in case someone takes it the wrong way...I feel like Dunkin Donuts, now that they have warnings on their coffee cups that state "Warning, this may be hot!".....no sh*t.  Sorry, maybe I went to far with that.  Oops!

Posted by Nancy&Mark    Thursday, July 17, 2008 8:16 AM


re: Why do they need to know??

I am in total agreement...... people ask all the time and it gets soo old!  Oh Nancy&Mark.... you were not offensive at all in what you asked, it is a big pain in the butt to not be able to have kids and be asked all the time......you see,I am one of those women who can't have kids.... people ask scott and I when we plan to have kids and sometimes I just say "not anytime soon" lol like EVER! Or sometimes I tell them the truth that I can't have kids.... the next thing that happens is a sympathetic or shocked expression followed by a host of comments that all concern why you can't have kids and then they leap right to the assumption that Scott and I will Adopt. I am totally with you .... with most people: This is uncalled for and presumptious.  The worst part is if I say I am not even sure about adopting(I love kids but am not sure about all of the legal hoops I would have to go through ect...) all I hear is this phrase..... you will change your mind.... yeah thanks...... like that person has any right to make my life plans for ME! HA!  

*sorry this turned into a tirade but you hit a sensetive subject with me and I totally agree.... people are way too pushy about married couples having kids.... I feel like a couple should make those descisons together (it is their life after all)..... then tell others...... not have others tell them what they should do and when.  

Posted by Ashleigh Elbert    Thursday, July 17, 2008 9:11 AM


re: Why do they need to know??

One of the ladies at work (from another office) was talking to me one day, asked if we had kids, and when I said no, she told me I was young (she doesn't know my age) and didn't need them for another few years anyways - this was about 3 weeks after my miscarriage.  I almost said "well I just miscarried, but thanks" but I couldn't quite bring myself to do it.  I thought at the time, what if I had just started telling people I was pregnant and she said that, or what if we were trying and having major infertility issues?  Some people are stupid.  I would only ask if I was already in conversation and the baby subject came up or if it's friends and family.

Posted by Mrs. Rachel A.    Thursday, July 17, 2008 9:32 AM


re: Why do they need to know??

Who gives a pregnancy book to someone who isn't pregnant or super vocal about trying to be pregnant?  That's just retarded!

Posted by edmo    Thursday, July 17, 2008 12:46 PM


re: Why do they need to know??

I totally understand and sympathize with your discomfort. We actually had TTC issues, and I got sick of people asking. Then, when we got pregnant, everyone kept touching me!!!! (I have personal space issues, so this was horrid.)

I actually told the Hubby that the next time his sister tried to grab my stomach, I was going to grab her boobs and ask if they were real or not. He dared me to do it, but sadly, I didn't... (It was fun to think, though!)

Posted by RC    Thursday, July 17, 2008 2:06 PM


re: Why do they need to know??

And of course the lady who gave me that book is having a LOT of fertility problems and is super vocal about it....SUPER uncomfortable....

Posted by lipp82    Saturday, July 19, 2008 5:14 PM


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About lipp82

Transplant to Harrisburg, PA from Rochester, NY. Becoming a DIY diva, and rockin the renovations with my DH by my side and my darling dog Dunkin, my heartbeat at my feet.


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