TMI, I know, I know, But This Hurts Like A *****
Posted
Friday, May 16, 2008 12:24 PM
Ok, so yesterday I was opening mail right after work. Basically, I am going to take you through my thoughts and my actions.
I walk to the apartment building and get the mail. Go up to my apartment, walk into my kitchen and pile all the stuff on the counter. I think to myself, "Man, my back hurts." So I take my top off and take the bra off with it. I think, "Oh yes, that feels alot better." Remember, these are D-cups, so bra or not, these puppies are going to kill me.
Anyway, I start going through the bills. There are approximately 9 billion credit card applications. I finally finish and I scoop up the stupid apps into my arms and against my body to walk the papers over to the shredder. It is at this time when I get the most strange, yet hideously annoyingly painful injury I have ever gotten.
I have a papercut on my right nipple and it hurts like abitch!!!
I don't know if you all have had papercut nipples before, but to give you a 411, the thing stays alert. It won't go down. And to top it off, I am on my last bra before laundry. It is a little cloth one. Laundry bra is a C cup from back when I was in high school. If a slight breeze hits me, laundry bra does not hide anything. I am pissed. I had to come to work with my arms crossed in front of my chest to hide my one hard nipple. I am almost ready to cut the other one so I at least don't look disproportionate.
This better heal before Idaho. I don't want to go to Idaho and meet my husband's family and have all the men think, "Wow, Mandy's right breast wouldn't stop staring at me."
Today was going to be laundry day until I got baseball tickets. I think I will have to electrical tape this thing down tonight. I can't end up on the jumbotron or National TV tonight saluting the St. Louis Cardinals in my own special way. I will try not to recreate the scene of Busty Heart getting kicked out of Old Busch Studium because her boobies were distracting too many people from the game. Ah, St. Louis history, so, so, grand!
So as a word of advise, never cut your nipple unless you intend to cut it off.