Posted Wednesday, October 28, 2009 3:02 PM
Today was kind of a bust. I didn't have a lot that I needed to get done, but even that stuff isn't going to happen. I called all the pharmacies around here and they are all out of flu shots. Ugh! I called my general practitioner's office to see if they had any but they are out of the office today so I have to call back tomorrow. I'm sure I'll be fine if I don't get one. I wash my hands all the time and since I'm not around little kids anymore I'm not as exposed to germs.
Speaking of being around kids, my friend J that I used to work with when I did therapy is now working at a center. The two other girls that work with her and do her same job are both about to have a baby and don't want to come back full time. So they are trying to convince the director to hire somebody else part time (ME!). I am crossing all my fingers and toes that it works out.
Tomorrow is our big testing day (Adam's test and my ultrasound). I'm glad I went ahead and called the doctor yesterday because I'm in more pain today. Hopefully I'll get some definitive answers tomorrow. If not, at least maybe I'll get another chance to talk to my doctor while I'm there.
Well, I'm going to finish the laundry I'm doing...something productive!
Posted Tuesday, October 27, 2009 2:26 PM
I talked to my broker today and told her I was quitting. I'm relieved. Now I just really really need to get that other job!
I'm still having pain so I have an ultrasound on Thursday (same day as Adam's SA). I was hoping I could get in tomorrow but oh well. The pain is not unbearable, I just want to know what's causing it. If the ultrasound doesn't show anything and I keep having pain, I'll have to get a laparospocy done. She said they would go in through my belly button with a camera. We can't afford that and I can't be laid up in bed for a week with a new job. So I don't know what we're going to do.
My stress level is so ridiculous right now, I can feel the tension in my neck and shoulders. I need a good back rub! Or a heating pad....
Posted Sunday, October 25, 2009 5:14 PM
This is the second day that I have made it without crying so I figure that's a good sign. There have been a few times when I could have teared up, but I just quickly started doing something else to get my mind off of it. We are probably going to go this week to get Adam's testing done and I get a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach when I think about it. I mean, I know he could be fine and we just need to give it more time, but for some reason I've just had a gut feeling that there is a problem for a while now. The problem still could be me. I'm still hurting a little bit on my side and I don't know what could be causing that. Whatever it is, I hope it's an easy fix.
In other news, I got a good job lead yesterday! I would be working with children with Asperger's/high-functioning autism which I would love. I tried real estate and hated it, and special education/autism is just where I'm meant to be. I'm now starting to toy with the idea of getting my master's in special ed because I would be able to do more with it. I'm just not sure if I would have to do some undergrad classes first to be accepted into a master's program (my bachelor's is in psychology). Anyway, I really hope it all works out. I'm telling my broker this week that I'm quitting. I'm very relieved.
Well, I've got a lot to do this week! Hope everyone else has a good one!
Posted Thursday, October 22, 2009 10:42 PM
This is the same thing I posted on the boards earlier but I wanted to give you guys an update too. I copied and pasted because I really can't bear to type it all out again.
She pretty much told me everything I was expecting to hear, but that
doesn't make actually hearing it any easier. She sent me for blood work
and wants DH to do an SA. She told me some other options for what tests
I could do, but right now we are just trying to focus on one step at a
time. I went to the appointment by myself but as soon as I got home I
broke down to DH. I am emotionally exhausted and scared. I just can't
handle not knowing and the fact that this is completely out of my
hands. There is still a chance that I'm pregnant now, but I just don't
think I am. I had what I think is a ruptured cyst last night and
spotting yesterday and today. I just never wanted to get to this point,
and now that we're here, it feels surreal. I know it could be worse,
but right now I can't help how I'm feeling.
Posted Wednesday, October 21, 2009 5:16 PM
We took our foster kitty to her new home today. I got to the end of their street when we were leaving before I broke down. Adam was pretty upset too. I can't even go into the room where she stayed. Not yet. I just miss her so much already, but I hear that she's already adjusting to her new place. No more fostering for us I don't think. We still have our other foster kitten, but there's a good chance we're keeping him.
My doctor's appointment is tomorrow afternoon. I've taken a couple of pregnancy tests so far, but both were negative. It is still early though. My side has been hurting/cramping for the past few days and of course I assume the worst. I'm just super anxious for tomorrow to get here. I just really need some answers and it is getting harder and harder for me to handle it.
I'm feeling pretty down right now so I'm going to try to do something productive tonight. I already checked a couple things off my to do list so yay me!
Posted Friday, October 16, 2009 6:10 PM
Last night and this morning I was so depressed and unmotivated to do anything. I managed to clean out the litter boxes and take out the trash last night, but only because it kind of stunk in here! And that took all the energy I had. I'm 6dpo so I'm *hoping* it's a good sign but I'm trying to not to obsess or get my hopes up too much. I mean, I haven't gotten pregnant up to this point so I doubt this month will be any different. I have a doctor's appointment next Thursday and I'm nervous. It could either be really really good news or really really bad news. Either way it's going to be emotional. Adam's not going with me and I think that might be a good thing. I think if he was there I would completely break down and if I'm by myself I'll be able to hold it together a little better. Plus I'll be able to process what she tells me before I tell him.
Today we went for a 3 mile hike. It was hard! We seriously picked the hardest trail in north Alabama. I didn't fall though! My legs aren't really sore, just tired, which I think is pretty good for someone who's only been working out for a couple weeks! I really want to be in good shape when I do get pregnant so labor will be easier.
Update on the job situation: still looking. I know whatever I find isn't going to be exactly related to autism just because those jobs aren't out there right now, but hopefully it's something related and I can eventually get to do what I want. Real estate just sucks big time.
My really good friend is having major issues with her husband and his ex-wife. The ex is a crazy psycho and is causing all sorts of drama for them. She and her husband keep fighting and he has actually packed a bag and left a couple of times. I'm trying to be there for her, but first of all, I can't say I know what she's going through because I don't, and second of all, I don't want to get too involved. I'm friends with both her and her husband so I don't want to end up in the middle. Plus I have so much going on in my life right now, I just don't think I can take on much more. I just listen and let her vent when she needs to and try to help her think of the options, but that the most involvement I think I can handle at this point. Tough situation.
Tomorrow some people are driving down from Tennessee to look at our foster kitty that we've had since January. I really hope they like her and want to adopt her. If not, I don't know what we're going to do. I'm going to miss her, but it's definitely time for her to go.
Wow, this turned out really long! I'm going to round up something for supper and clean up the house a little bit.
Posted Monday, October 12, 2009 4:52 PM
I don't know how much more of this real estate thing I can take. I was never super excited about it, it was just an option when I had to quit my therapy job (which, by the way, I still have not been paid the $1600 I'm owed). Well, I have pretty much been miserable with my job the past 3 months. I just don't like doing it at all. I'm committed to sticking with it until I make at least what I have spent to get my license and all that, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to quit after that. Now I'm wondering if I'm going to be able to get a job anywhere else. I mean, I'm qualified for therapy and administrative stuff, but those jobs just aren't there right now. My friend applied at some tutoring centers so I think I might do that too. I think a lot of my problem is that I'm not really doing something I can feel good about. Doing therapy, I knew I was making a difference, but some dumb b!tch who can't run her company screwed me over. I just get more and more angry as time goes on that I had a career and she had to screw me over. Ugh. I just really need a steady pay check right now! I'm so stressed about money and a lot of it is the fact that I am no longer really contributing. I mean, as far as monthly bills go, we're fine on Adam's salary alone, but if anything else comes up (ahem, the ROOF), we're out of luck. Plus we really need to be able to save as much as possible before we have a baby.
Speaking of baby, I'm in my 2ww. Actually, 12dpo will be the day of my doctor's appointment so now I'm even more nervous about it because I'm sure they will test me then. I'm just feeling really overwhelmed right now I guess. Adam is a wonderful husband, but I'm not sure he really understands everything I'm feeling right now.
Well, I'm going to finish watching the Project Runway marathon!
Posted Tuesday, October 06, 2009 7:26 PM
I got my first paycheck today. I'm so unexcited about it. And I'm upset that I'm unexcited. But I can't help it because I know it won't even make a dent in all the crap we have to fix on our house. Our roof is leaking even more because it WON'T FREAKING STOP RAINING. Now it's leaking around the light fixture so we had to cut the breaker to that room which is a pain.
Adam and I have been walking 2 miles every day! I'm proud of us. He sits at a computer all the time and I don't do any real exercise. I've always gotten away with not exercising because I'm naturally thin (yeah, don't kill me) but I am so out of shape. I really wanted to start walking before I got pregnant so that I could keep it up once I did get pregnant so that hopefully labor won't be as bad. Props to those of you who went natural, but I fully intend to get the drugs.
Well, I'm trying a new recipe tonight so hopefully it will turn out OK. I feel like being productive/creative around the house so maybe I'll find something I can rearrange/clean out/organize while I watch 18 Kids and Counting!