Thoughts on the Ceremony
Posted
Thursday, March 20, 2008 10:56 AM
I've been working on writing our ceremony this week. I've been super excited about this task for a few reasons. One, I love to write, and writing the words not only that we will exchange, but the words that our friends and family will hear on marriage, is very personal and important to me. I couldn't let this once-in-a-lifetime (literally!) chance pass by.
Second, I am an atheist. It's very important to me that no religion, no prayers, no bible references are used in our marriage ceremony. I want to prove that even a non-religous ceremony can be both beautiful and moving. We can have more than just a simple civil ceremony. We can have the poetry of words that traditional ceremonies offer. The information and opinions on atheist ceremonies I found online were not very helpful. One site even insinuated that atheists should not get married. Obviously, I don't buy that opinion. As we discovered from the Gay Marriage Issue, marriage is by and large government controlled and legally sanctioned. I want our ceremony to transcend both religious and legal limitations.
I want our ceremony to be so beautiful and meaningful that nobody realizes we skipped the consecration and the invocation, that there are no prayers or bible readings. I want my guests to walk away and say: "Wow, that was so them!" I want to write the words for our big day to reflect our beliefs. Not only my religious beliefs (or lack of them), but our beliefs on marriage and love.
So, I've discussed the things I want to disclude, now let's talk about what I want to include. I want to talk about how marriage will be hard (using winter references, to take advantage of the weather), but we will get through with love and committment. I want to talk about how though we are united in marriage, we still retain our individuality. The "two hearts become one" concept never really appealed to me. For us, "two hearts beat alongside" is more appropriate. Third, I want to talk about how important love is in our relationship. How, when things get hard, love will prevail. How it is important to love and nurture your relationship just as you nurture your own self.
I also like the idea of handfasting. This is the only ceremonial symbolism that has really appealed to me. The unity candle, the sand ceremony, just don't tug at my heart. I love the whole "tie the knot" idea though. My research so far into this practice has revealed that it started in ancient Celtic times as a symbol for bethrothal. Lately, it has morphed into a kind of Pagan tradition. To me, it just makes sense. A symbolic bonding to each other. So I've decided to include that in the ceremony also. I'm toying with the idea of who will actually tie the knot: the officiant, or the MOH and BM both, or our mothers...I was also thinking that we will make the cord together on our seventh year anniversary, which is fast approaching.
We will say more than "I Do." I want us to say our complete vows, and the words that will follow the exchange of rings. There will no repetition from the officiant, no two-word answers. I don't mind reading from a homemade book at this point, as I don't have total faith that we will memorize them and remember them in the moment. Besides, that book will make a great heirloom keepsake. I love the words: "With this ring, I thee wed." It sends chills down my spine. I want to include those. I would also like to do a reading from my favorite poet: ee cummings.
As for the ceremony structure, I have (surprise!) very strong ideas on this too. I want Matt and I to face each other through the whole ceremony, I would like if we held hands. I want our officiant to stand to the side of us, so that we are not tempted to look him in the eye as we are married. And I would like our guests to be seated in a circle around us. Though I don't know how the aisle would work with that set-up.
So those are my ceremony ideas so far. That's what I've been working on this week. Along with my library books, my used-books (Weddings from the Heart by Daphne Rose Kingma has been most helpful), and certain websites, I'm slowly piecing together our perfect words!