The Nest

Our Best Man Died

Posted Tuesday, July 01, 2008 8:40 PM

Matt's best friend, and Best Man, died yesterday.  He was a family man, married with three kids, and was 27 years old.  He was burning some trash (they live in the country, out in Louisiana), and a flash flame exploded in his face.  He called the paramedics and jumped in the shower.  Everyone thought he was fine.  He went to bed complaining of a sore throat.

What we think happened (but hasn't been confirmed yet) is that his lungs got burnt.  During the night, his lungs swelled up and cut off his airway.  He died in his sleep.

Matt is heartbroken, but trying to take it like a man.  I keep thinking about his poor kids and especially his wife.  She's all alone now.  The boys were planning on flying him out to Las Vegas a week before the wedding so they could hang out together.  Then Timmy (BM) was going to drive down to the wedding with us a few days before so the boys could do the whole bachelor thing.  Now, that whole week Matt will be thinking of his best friend not being with us.  The bachelor party is really going to suck.  I know Timmy was really excited about throwing a bachelor party for Matt.

I don't know what Matt will do about getting a new Best Man or maybe just having an empty spot there.  I haven't asked him about it yet, but whatever he decides to do is fine by me.  I can't believe this happened.  He was so young, and it's such a freak accident.  My fiance lost his best friend.

Girls, make sure you have life insurance on your man.  Especially if you have children.  I have insurance on Matt that I bought from his bank.  We pay about $50 a year or so (they take a couple bucks out of his account every few months) and if he dies or gets dismembered I get $20,000.  You never know what may happen.

My Fiance Has a Son

Posted Thursday, June 26, 2008 11:01 PM

When my fiance and I started dating (7 years ago), his ex-girlfriend was 6 months pregnant.  They were together for 3 months before she got pregnant, and together 3 months after she was pregnant, for a total of 6 months.  He often says "Of all the girls I ever dated, I had to get the worst one pregnant."  We've dealt with all kinds of baby-mama drama over the years.  She doesn't like my fiance and she really doesn't like me.

My fiance doesn't want to have children.  When she first got pregnant, he asked her about the options.  Ever since then, whenever he tries to contact or visit the child, she throws that in his face: "You never wanted him in the first place."  She doesn't answer the phone when we call, doesn't return messages, doesn't send pictures or respond when we send cards and presents.  When the kid was really young, we made an agreement to babysit the child while she was at work.  Every day, she would try to convince my fiance he had to come to her house to watch him: "It's raining, I don't want to take him out," "He's sleeping (of course, it's 5am), "He doesn't feel good," "You don't have TV."  Finally, she just didn't show up one day, never called to say why or sorry, and never came back.

 Now he's almost 7 years old.  Whenever my fiance goes to Sacramento, he tries to see his son.  He sees him about twice a year.  The mother is engaged and has another baby by her fiance.  Since the new baby has arrived, the apron strings have loosened a bit and my fiance is able to see his son more. 

His son just came to stay a week with Grandma.  We took him to Disneyland, and spent two days in Big Bear, boating and playing on the lake.  We did this with two cousins who are his age and some other aunts and uncles.  Basically, the child was spoiled the entire time he was here.  If he wanted to eat at McDonalds, that's what we did.  If he changed his mind after he ordered a cheeseburger, we got him chicken nuggets.  Never a please or thank you from his mouth.  If we took him to the beach, he wanted to go back to the house to watch YouTube.  We asked him how he liked Disneyland and he said he wanted to go to Six Flags instead.  When we told him to go to bed at 9pm, he called his mom and told on us.

My fiance and I decided this was okay.  We see him twice a year.  If, during the week he's with us, he doesn't eat vegetables, goes to bed at 1am, watches YouTube, and never uses manners, well, that's not our problem.  We decided to treat him like he's our grandchild.  Spoil the kid rotten the few times we actually see him.  He already has parents, we decided.  We have not been invited or welcome to help raise this child.  This child has been raised with values we don't agree with (we don't think 6 year olds should have access to internet, thier own Ipods, or listen to gangsta rap).  If he ever comes to live with us, the rules will be different, until then, he's the grandchild we never had.

There is something that really bugs me though.  I prepped my fiance on how he should introduce me to his son.  I know I'm not welcome in his son's life, and the more I see of him, the less my fiance sees of him, so I try to keep out of that relationship.  Because of this, I haven't seen his child in almost 2 years.  I wasn't sure he would remember me.  I didn't want to hide our relationship from him (my mom used to do that to me with her boyfriends, it drove me crazy), so I told my fiance to say this: "This is Jennifer.  Do you remember her?  She's been my girlfriend ever since before you were born.  We're getting married next year."

The child's reaction was "Great."  Eye-roll.  "Not-great."  Then he got up to call his mom.

And here I am thinking: Great, the kid hates me.  He doesn't even know me, never remembers who I am, and doesn't want me to marry his dad. 

Can this child situation get any worse?

Favors are Done!

Posted Saturday, June 21, 2008 2:14 AM

I've finished the favors!  Yay!  I made 150 Hand-beaded snowflake ornaments.  I'm hoping that will be enough.  Actually, I'm sure it will.  And if it's not, I'll just have to make some more after RSVP's come in.  Here's all 150 of them hanging in my closet:

 

It took me about 3 months, hundreds of hours, and tons of TV time to make all these favors.  I really like the way they turned out, and I love how each one is different.  I ended up spending $185 on all the different elements, from beads, to snowflake forms, to glue.  $50 of that money went to the personalized ribbon, which I got shipped from Canada (Finnerribbon.com).  The shipping was ridiculous, but the product is fabulous, and I have tons left over to play with!

 

I wouldn't recommend tackling this project unless you have a ton of time on your hands and love beads.  I don't love beads.  Towards the end of the project, I was staring cross-eyed and cranky at my big box of beads!  That's why this has been on my To-Do List for a few months.  It's just so much work!

 But they're done.  They're exactly what I wanted.  And they are handmade by me, for my wonderful guests.  I swear, if I find one of these left on a table after the wedding, I'm going beserk!  I told FI we are going to everyone's house next Christmas, and the only people who are getting a present are the people who have our ornament hanging on their tree!

7 month To-Do list

Posted Friday, June 13, 2008 4:17 AM

I've been slacking!  I've done almost nothing for awhile.  It's nice to have a bit of a break. I've been dieting (and sparking!) and quitting smoking (again!), and I just started riding the bus (to save on gas money!), so those three things take a lot of my time and energy lately.

But I don't want to completley lay wedding plans to waste just yet.  I haven't yet done a checklist for June and I haven't even written my  monthly "State of the Wedding" Address (7 months to go!), which I normally write on the tenth of every month. 

Slacking.  Seriously.

(That was my 7-month check-up)

Now for my list:

1.  Figure out what I'm doing for a veil.  I was thinking of making one, but I might call my stepmother to see if she can get a free one lined up for me.  I just can't seem to tackle the large pile of tulle that's been sitting in my living room for 2 months.

2.  Keep checking DSW for shoe prospects.

3.  Work on timeline/flow chart.  This sounds a little stupid, but I need to figure out what we want to do.  Recieving line?  Where would it go?  Where's the DJ going?  blah, blah, blah.

4.  Work on Table Numbers.  I already picked out some pictures of Matt and I at different locations (Yosemite, Death Valley, Alaksa, etc) and will need to write a little story about us there and put these in frames that will go on every table.  Every table will be named after a location.  I might even start purchasing frames.  That's something I can use my Michaels coupons on.

I think that's it for the month.  Nothing too hard!

A short break and a few Resolutions

Posted Friday, June 06, 2008 2:55 AM

This month I hardly did anything wedding related.  It was nice.  But now I'm freaking out because I lost a whole month.  I didn't find shoes (although I have a maybe!), didn't make a veil, and didn't decide on my hair.

We registered.  It was fun.  I'm telling our parents to direct more people to REI than the household stores, so hopefully we'll get some awesome camping equipment.  We also made our handfasting cord, although I guess technically that would be a June check.

I did do something very important this month that wasn't on my list though. I started the first steps of my Bridal Beauty Regimen.  I went to the dentist (big mistake!  They took my whole stimulus check and still want more!).  I've always had problems with my teeth (especially my one front tooth, it's been through some trauma!), and now the doctor wants to put a crown on it.  That's like $1,000 to start.  Oiy!  I'm looking into some low-cost dental alternatives now.

I went to the dermatolgist today.  No biggie there.  I just want beautiful skin the day of. 

I started my diet (actually, I started it last month, but I'm just now gaining momentum).  I'm on Sparks People and I love it.  I just need to start an exercise regimen.  Yuck. 

I quit smoking yesterday (again! and again! and again!).  That's going well except I'm eating everything in sight.  Hopefully I'll stick with it this time!  I really don't want to smoke in my dress.  Gross!  Also, the dentist said I showed sign of smoking in my mouth, and that's even grosser! (Grosser than gross?)

So May was like the Ultimate New Year Resolution Month.  Goody for me.  Now I just have to get back on the wedding wagon!

A day of Sevens

Posted Monday, June 02, 2008 5:12 AM

Today was our 7 year dating anniversary.  We've been engaged for two years now.  On our five year anniversary (the day he proposed), I felt proud we had made it to such an important milestone.  I felt adult, and responsible, and lucky to be in love.

On our 7 year anniversary I just feel old and boring.

So we didn't do anything too great today.  We both had to work, but luckily got off early.  We went to our favorite Japanese restaurant and stuffed our selves silly with sushi and wine and chocolate dessert.  We planned a perfect (for us) night of him playing guitar hero in the living room and me surfing the knot in our bedroom.  Yup, we are old and boring!  (well, we both partied until dawn the night before)

Then I remembered we are supposed to make our handfasting cord today.  Man, what a freaking headache.  I bought seven different kinds of ribbon two months ago when Michael's was having a big sale.  They're different tones of blues and whites with different textures and fun stuff on them.  Then we cut them to the same length (using the shortest one as a guide), tied them together at one end, stretched them out, and started braiding them.  I used this site: http://shirasdiary.blogspot.com/2008/02/how-to-braid-seven-strand-handfasting.html as a guide on how to weave seven strands.  Big pain.  It took us about an hour to make and by the time we were done, my back was killing me.

It took him at one end, me at the other end, keeping all the ribbons sorted and in order, him spacing them out and me pulling them tight.  We had to work together at the same pace.  I told him to think happy thoughts about what our marriage will be like, so that we can weave in our wishes and hopes into the cord that will join us for life.  I don't know if it happened that way though!

Good thing: we didn't argue or bicker once, we found a great pace to work at, and really pulled together tightly.  Sometimes, I'm amazed at how well we work together!  The cord turned out fantastic:

I spent $11.85 on the ribbons.  I found similar handfasting cords on the internet that start at $60, so I'm happy with the results.  Bonus: whenever I look at it, I can think of all the hard work Matt and I put into it, and how well we worked together to make it.  Something else cool: We made it on our 7 year anniversary, with 7 ribbons, and it's 7 feet long! 

No wedding is complete without a kayak

Posted Wednesday, May 28, 2008 12:55 AM

We've been working on registering this month.  We registered at Linens N Things because we were both impressed with that store.  Relatively inexpensive and they have a ton of nice things.  Mostly we registered for big appliances there: blender, toaster oven, ice cream maker, vacumn...And of course, linens and towels and stuff.  I made sure to register for some little things too, like a garlic press and these cool magnetic measuring spoons so people can get stuff for my shower.  It wasn't a big deal, really.  No big fights or arguments, a lot of compromises.  When we were done, we were amazed we only chose like 21 items.  It seemed like so much more.  The salespeople were completly clueless and it took forever to get us in their computer.

The next day we registered at Kohls.  I'm a little worried about this registry, since it seems most of the stuff we chose was on clearance.  Will probably have to update that later.  We chose Kohls because we had a certificate for a $25 gift certificate when you register for at least 15 items.  We figured what the hell.  We did mostly kitchen stuff again.  Found some great bamboo rugs that we love to take camping with us, some luggage, and misc.  This time it went faster and there was less in-depth conversation about which item to choose.  I was like "yeah, whatever," he scanned, and we practically ran through the store.  The salespeople were a little bit more knowledgable, but it still took awhile. 

Today, we registered at REI.  We're learning how to register faster now, and decided to do it all from online.  Didn't even leave the couch.  Much easier, and saner.  I got to pick mostly everything, and he checked it afterwards.  No arguments, no compromises, no worries.  I was a little hesitant to register there since REI is so expensive, but that was really the only registry we found to put camping items on, which is what we really, really want.  I found a bunch of great items (like a camp kitchen, with shelves and prep area, and a fold-up table we can play beer pong on and camping pots and pans set).  I'm going to list REI first on our website, so maybe everyone will go there first.

The most expensive things we registered for was a $600 kayak and one of those pet-hair vacumns for $170 and I just realized we registered for a $150 blender (is that a mistake?  Did we get carried away?).  I really hope some people chip in for the kayak.  That would be totally fantastic.  Maybe I'll start dropping hints at work or something.  LOL.   "Wow, today would be a great day to go kayaking, if I had one."  If somebody actually buys the kayak, then we'll register for kayaking equipment and accessories.  My honey knew I wanted one, so he asked if I put it on the registry.  "No," I sighed.  "They're too expensive."  He talked me into putting it on, just in case.  You never know who will throw in together.  That's what a lot of people do where I work.  It's a really nice one too, it holds two people and you can switch it to tandem or solo.  It's really good for the money.

Too bad you couldn't put stars next to your five top wanted items.  Like, we registered here, but our favorite items are these ones.  That would be fun.

 Now I need to put registry info on our website.  I've had a ton of people ask where we're registered already, believe it or not!  I think I'll make clickable links on our registry page.  Just need to figure out how to do that again!

 We are now blissfully registered.  Officially checked.  Relatively painless.