Thursday, April 24, 2008 10:49 AM
You don’t. You can say something like, “I’m just not as comfortable around your mom as I am with mine.” Emphasize that he probably feels the same way about your parents. Try to get him to understand that there’s just a closeness you feel with your own kin.
But if there’s something your MIL is doing that is consistently hurting your feelings (and possibly on purpose), the situation becomes a lot more delicate. In this case, you need to alert your spouse what is going on. Keep in mind that the best time to do this is when you can be calm. Say something like, “I don’t want to upset you, but I need you to keep a lookout for how your mom treats me during our next visit. I don’t want to sound crazy here, but I think she might be saying certain things to hurt me.”
It’s possible that he is going to be oblivious at first. He’ll think that there’s no possible way the person who raised him to be such a wonderful person could be so hurtful. Get him to at least open his mind that there might be a competitive factor now that you’re in the picture -- some passive aggressive (or all-out cruel) behavior and that one of you might need to say something.
Once he’s been alerted to the possibility, create a signal. Tug on your ear the next time she does something rude while you’re all together. Then he can determine how malicious her behavior is -- and stick up for you when needed.
Whatever you do, try not to create a catfight between the two of you. Let your husband see you as the bigger and stronger person, as well as seeing his mom in a new light. We promise, it’s much sexier this way.
Filed under: In-laws
Posted by The Nest Editors
Friday, December 28, 2007 3:01 PM
This is a tough one. Because there’s no centralized place where all hip, young marrieds congregate, you’ll have to be a bit adventurous (and creative). Inviting coworkers or neighbors who are sporting rings out for dinner is always a good option. Getting involved in other community activities – volunteering, sports leagues, churches – is also a good way to meet other couples.
Another option is to try getting involved in things that duos do. Take classes together, hit up couples-only resorts, participate in couple-oriented competitions, etc. Brilliant idea: Head over to the message boards and start chatting it up with Nesties in your area and see if a friendship blossoms from there.
Friday, November 16, 2007 4:25 PM
Spending some time away from your spouse is perfectly normal (if not, healthy), but it does require a bit of compromise. Because you don’t want to send the message that your friends or time away from your mate is more important to you than your marriage, negotiate a ratio of togetherness and time apart that meets both of your needs. When you do schedule nights out with your crew or solo, make sure to let your partner know in advance. Like we said, it's important to have this space, just as long as it doesn’t make your married time sparse.
Friday, October 26, 2007 2:54 PM
Start by turning off the TV, the computer, the video games. You get the idea. We are very familiar with this problem and have learned that many of us really can’t do two things at once (as in listen and type). We might think we can, but in the end, one of the tasks gets gypped.
The next time you have something important to talk about, say something like “I need your full attention for this, do you mind if I turn off the (insert annoying thing here)?” It sounds a little childish, but getting rid of distractions makes you the prime focus. Other tips for getting full attention? Create eye contact while you’re talking and hold hands or have contact in some way.
Filed under: Love
Posted by The Nest Editors
Friday, October 19, 2007 10:00 AM
We’re sure you’ve heard the saying that you shouldn’t go to bed angry, but sometimes sleep -- or food -- can be the perfect cure for crankiness. Without going to separate rooms to just stew in your anger, decide whether you want to talk it out right there and then, or if it would be better to book a time to discuss. That’s right, as in an appointment. Think about it: If he pisses you off right before you leave for work, and your only time to discuss is later that night, the eruption tends to be smaller because you’ve had a few hours to cool off.
Using the same idea, the next time you’re about to brawl, say something calm like, “Hey, this is really upsetting to me. I need to decompress a bit and think things out. Let’s meet on the couch in 3 hours.” In that time, do what you need to think things through: write in a journal, blog, take a walk, go to the gym. Leaving the house isn’t the worst thing either. Just make sure you don’t call your mom or a friend. Keep in mind that you will ultimately move on from this argument, but it’s harder for your bff to forgive and forget.
Filed under: Fighting
Posted by The Nest Editors
Friday, October 12, 2007 9:56 AM
You don’t have to attend every family gathering, but you shouldn’t miss two or three in a row, and you definitely shouldn’t miss important functions, like Thanksgiving, just because it’s being held at your obnoxious SIL’s home who your mother-in-law dotes on while they both ignore you. Not like we’re speaking from experience or anything.
The point of going to these things is to support your spouse, even if he is so much more comfortable with his family than you are. Plus, the more you ostracize yourself, the more they will make you feel like an outsider when you do show up. So bite the bullet and go, especially if these gatherings don’t happen very often. But if your husband is hanging out with his family every weekend and you’re just not on board, then you need to have a talk. It should start with, “I love your family but I think it’s just as important for the two of us to have our own quality time…” Then compromise on how many visits are planned.
Filed under: In-laws
Posted by The Nest Editors
Wednesday, May 16, 2007 6:12 PM
A: This is something you and your mate should sit down and discuss. There’s no right or wrong answer – it’s just a matter of what would be best in your particular situation. Announcing that you’re TTC may open the door to your sex life that you both would prefer remain closed. (Also think about whether or not you’re ready to talk ovulation with your MIL.) On the other hand, deciding to share the good news could mean that you receive a lot of love and support, which may help ease any lingering jitters. Make a list of the pros and cons of telling people you’re trying to have a baby. Then look over both lists and decide what’s right for you.
Filed under: Baby
Posted by The Nest Editors
Wednesday, May 16, 2007 6:11 PM
A: We admit, your friendships with the singles in your life may change after the wedding, but that doesn’t mean they have to disappear. (Hello, you’ve only tied the knot, not had a lobotomy.) We’ve found that the best way to maintain relationships with your non-married friends is to setup a time to hang out with them regularly – Thursday night cocktails, Sunday afternoon brunch – and don’t go overboard with the married life talk. Chat about the things you have in common that haven’t changed since the wedding.
Filed under: Friends
Posted by The Nest Editors