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Tuesday, May 08, 2007 4:31 PM

Q. He doesn't orgasm?

Q. Sometimes my husband does not orgasm. I feel abnormal, but he insists it's him and not me. I have offered to try anything, but it is constantly rejected. Is there anything I can do?

A. In actual fact a lot of men don't reach orgasm all the time. In fact, it's a sexual myth that men always orgasm -- even if they don't suffer from erectile dysfunction (ED).

If their erection is functioning there are many reasons why this can happen. It can mean they've had too much alcohol or used illegal recreational drugs. Or they may be overly tired or stressed.

In your husband's case, he might insist it's his problem -- but if it makes you concerned, it's your problem too! So when you're both relaxed, and have some time, let him know that you'll do anything you can to help and you don't want him worried about this on his own. Tell him you're not worried about it as long as he's not worried about it! You can also reassure him that sex is just about sensual touching and foreplay and not always about the orgasm. Then leave it be.

You can only say so much and then relax about it yourself. In the meantime try to ensure that you both get quality time together and are well rested before you have sex.

>> Have a question for Dr. Pam? Email her at: drpam@thenest.com

Dr. Pam is the author of Make Love All Night & Talk to Him in the Morning and Naughty Tricks and Sexy Tips: A Couple's Guide to Uninhibited Sexual Pleasure

 

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Comments

re: Q. He doesn't orgasm?

I agree that stress and tiredness can take away from orgasm. I haven't had an

orgasm since our last vacation. That was the last time I didn't feel tired and

stressed out. Maybe a vacation is the trick. By the way, I have a vacation next

week with my wife's family.

Posted by mrsunshine    Friday, November 16, 2007 2:29 PM


re: Q. He doesn't orgasm?

I can say that I thought I had this problem. Then I realized it wasn't really a problem. It doesn't take me long to orgasm at all, and I thought this was a problem, like I was cheating him out of something. I think the pleasure in the act is just different for different people. Your husband and mine could be alike in that they don't need to orgasm to feel really good. Unless he actually thinks of this is a problem, you shouldn't either. I went through months of asking him if their is something wrong or what can I do?? It just kind of hit me recently that there isn't really a problem.

Posted by Suen2BWed    Friday, January 18, 2008 9:11 AM


re: Q. He doesn't orgasm?

My husband gets overly tired and doesn't orgasm a lot of times when we have sex. I have found that some of the best sex we have had was first thing in the morning when he is still sleepy or I have even gotten him up in the middle of the night. This works really well for us because it turns him on when I initiate and he enjoys it the most when he hasn't had a chance to get thinking about other things.

Posted by Mrs.Kirkland07    Saturday, June 07, 2008 10:29 PM


re: Q. He doesn't orgasm?

Please don't beat yourself up over this! My husband doesn't always orgasm during sex. When we were first married I felt a little insecure, but after getting to know his body and his routine, I was able to see that the problem was not me at all. He loves what I do and I know that I turn him on. With my husband, the biggest factor is that he has diagnosed ADD. This can cause a lack of focus during sex. It's not that I'm not interesting or that I'm not doing enough for him, it's that every once in a while his mind just can't focus on one thing for very long, regardless of how enjoyable it is.

Posted by adfess    Thursday, June 12, 2008 8:06 PM


re: Q. He doesn't orgasm?

When I was first married, I was a virgin and my husband had limited sexual experience. We were very open in talking about our sexual fantasies and what we wanted to give and receive from the other person. Nonetheless, my husband could not orgasm, no matter how much manual stimulation and oral sex I gave him.

It didn't help that I was extraordinarily tight and we could not have veginal sex for about eight weeks after we were married.

We began practicing focus exercises, whose reward wasn't orgasm but verbal reinforcement from me and more intimate touching. After about two weeks, he finally had an orgasm, and it felt like we BOTH were rewarded for all our hard work.

Even now, because he is a relatively anxious and occasionally distracted person, it can be very difficult for him to become erect. The most important thing I have found is that positive reinforcement and letting him know that I am there for him, that I can be patient, that I know he loves me and thinks I'm sexy, that it has nothing to do with me--these things are like gold to him. And the more he knows and believes them, the easier it is next time.

Posted by theseattlegirl00    Thursday, July 24, 2008 9:59 AM


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