Tuesday, May 08, 2007 4:16 PM
Q. Neutral sex drive?
Q. Help! I often see and hear about people being "in the mood," and I never have that feeling naturally. My sex drive is stuck in neutral. How can I fix this?
A. There's a big myth that needs busting that we all love sex all of the time. Nothing could be further from the truth! People's sex drives vary tremendously, and neither a high nor a low drive is better than the other. However, problems start when there's a mismatching of sex drives and the couple is finding it hard to reach a compromise.
First off, it's terribly important that you keep talking and let him know that he's great in bed -- but that you simply have a lower sex drive. Then evaluate the things that won't help your sex drive: working too many hours, certain medications, drinking and eating too much, smoking, depression and anxiety.
Through a process of elimination, determine how you can change your lifestyle to generally lift the way you feel. Once you've gotten rid of any negatives that could be dampening your desire, be sure you're honest with him about what really turns you on. Everyone should be up front about what gets him or her in the mood. But particularly when you have a low sex drive, you should feel free to let him know the specifics of what'll get you started. Tell him in delicious detail, in a soft and sexy voice!
>> Have a question for Dr. Pam? Email her at: drpam@thenest.com
Dr. Pam is the author of Make Love All Night & Talk to Him in the Morning and Naughty Tricks and Sexy Tips: A Couple's Guide to Uninhibited Sexual Pleasure