Tuesday, May 08, 2007 4:17 PM

Q. Normal to not masturabte?

Q. Is it normal for men to not masturbate? The reason I ask is because I have a very high sex drive, while my husband is the complete opposite. He is tired a lot from work and when he comes home, sex is the last thing on his mind. I figured that he must at least masturbate, but we have talked about this too, and he says he really doesn't do it that often. I have heard of some men who take care of themselves more than five times a day. So is it normal for my husband to only do it maybe once a month, especially since we do not have a lot of sex? And how can I get him to have a higher sex drive or want more sex?!

A. Please don't worry about that word "normal"! What counts is what works for you and him. Maybe he does masturbate a little but feels embarrassed to tell you. But that doesn't really matter. What matters is you're experiencing a symptom of your lifestyle. You clearly realize that it's his long hours at work that tire him out. As long as he continues to do those, his sex drive is unlikely to change. So this is an issue more of his job (not his sex drive necessarily) and the inability for you two to work on this.

What you need to do is sit down together and look at his work hours to see if you can afford to make any changes. If you can't, then you need to look at your weekends (or whenever he gets days off) and create a special time for you two when he's relaxed. Many couples have to work long hours and either let their sex lives suffer (which some people aren't worried about) or they take extra care with their free time to get sexy together. It's really up to the two of you to make this choice.

>> Have a question for Dr. Pam? Email her at: drpam@thenest.com

Dr. Pam is the author of Make Love All Night & Talk to Him in the Morning and Naughty Tricks and Sexy Tips: A Couple's Guide to Uninhibited Sexual Pleasure