The Nest

Tuesday, May 08, 2007 4:27 PM

Q. Premature ejaculation?

Q. My husband struggles with premature ejaculation. What can we do about this?

A. You two can do a lot. For your part, you need to build his confidence generally. Outside of the bedroom, make sure he feels like a man that's valued and needed. Bolster his confidence by praising the great things he does. Inside the bedroom, let him know how much he pleases you when he focuses on your pleasure. Tell him you'd love it if he'd use masturbation to get to know his own body signals.

Many men who ejaculate prematurely simply don't recognize their "point of no return." This is the point where, no matter what happens, a man's got to ejaculate because he's so sexually excited. Through masturbation he can start to identify this point, and when he reaches it, he should stop stimulating himself and relax for a bit before restimulating himself. The more he learns to hold back from reaching his point of no return, the more control he'll have.

Then get him to develop his pelvic floor muscles, which also strengthen his ability to keep his erection. Also, have him masturbate before he makes love to you, because his "second time around" should take longer. Suggest he focuses on your pleasure so he's not thinking about how excited he feels. Slowly, through communication and these various techniques, he will be able to last longer.

>> Have a question for Dr. Pam? Email her at: drpam@thenest.com

Dr. Pam is the author of Make Love All Night & Talk to Him in the Morning and Naughty Tricks and Sexy Tips: A Couple's Guide to Uninhibited Sexual Pleasure