The Nest

Tuesday, May 08, 2007 4:21 PM

Q. Speeding up climax?

Q. It takes me a very long time to climax. Normally, we'll be 30 minutes into sex and I may or may not have had an orgasm. My husband was my first and he says that this is an unusually long time. Is there anything I can do to help speed up the process?

A. This is most definitely NOT an unusually long time! For the average woman it takes around 25-30 minutes of foreplay, stimulation, and/or penetration to reach climax. And none of us are average, are we? Of course there's wide variation of time, but what really counts is that two unique people come together as a couple and enjoy what they're doing -- rather than worry about the time others spend on sex.

Some women find that the time it takes to get sexually aroused and climax is less when a couple important factors are involved. First is that they feel loved and romanced. There's nothing that will make a woman feel sexier than feeling wanted, loved, and desirable. Discuss with your husband building in plenty of little romantic gestures and creating a generally loving atmosphere between you two.

Second, women tend to climax quicker when they feel completely free and confident about telling their partners exactly what sort stimulation they need. For example, maybe he gives you some pleasure during foreplay but tends to lose the rhythm, speed, or friction you like. This means the buildup to your climax is interrupted. Tell him you want to role-play where you're the "patient" and he's the "Sex Doctor" and instruct him exactly where your pleasure points are and how to stimulate them. Playing out such a fantasy (or scenario) gives you the freedom to tell him exactly what you want. Of course, return the favor to him! If you two can communicate over these couple important areas, then you might find things speed up, but then again, they may not.

>> Have a question for Dr. Pam? Email her at: drpam@thenest.com

Dr. Pam is the author of Make Love All Night & Talk to Him in the Morning and Naughty Tricks and Sexy Tips: A Couple's Guide to Uninhibited Sexual Pleasure