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Tuesday, May 08, 2007 11:20 AM

Q. Trying a threesome?

Q. My husband has this crazy fantasy of a threesome. I'm really uncomfortable about it, is there some way to meet in the middle?

A. You can definitely meet in the middle. And on top, underneath, and wherever you like! But that doesn't mean you actually need a third party to fulfill his fantasy.

irst off, turn it into a little game of "what happens next" when you're lying together caressing each other. He has to say the first line of his fantasy. Then you pick up the thread of the story and say what happens next. So he might say, "You and I were lying naked in our vacation hotel room when the maid accidentally came in without knocking. She's gorgeous but stunned to find us lying naked." Then you say something like, "She comes to sit with us on the bed and starts touching me…" and so on!

Finally, you can always watch some group-action adult films or flip through mags with such activities. Chat about the scenarios you see. The fantasy is better than the reality for the majority of couples.

>> Have a question for Dr. Pam? Email her at: drpam@thenest.com

Dr. Pam is the author of Make Love All Night & Talk to Him in the Morning and Naughty Tricks and Sexy Tips: A Couple's Guide to Uninhibited Sexual Pleasure

 

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Comments

re: Q. Trying a threesome?

Dont do it I did it it ruined my marriage and I caught an std in the lieu of it

Posted by Mrsbeard    Thursday, December 06, 2007 8:25 PM


re: Q. Trying a threesome?

If any "husband" wants that, i wouldn't consider him a husband. He vowed to only be with his wife, not wife AND another.

Posted by mrs.kaseyneil_    Thursday, February 07, 2008 12:35 PM


re: Q. Trying a threesome?

I havent done it in my marriage but i know that in a relationship i had before i was married that we tried it and then i was always questioning what if he liked her better. It tore us apart and the trust was gone. But in the same sense i know someone who does it often and their marriage is strong. Once again depends on your bond, trust and whether or not you can trust he'll always involve you. But in my eyes i'd tell my husband heck no..... he could keep dreaming i don't share my man!

Posted by hiseverything    Wednesday, February 27, 2008 3:06 PM


re: Q. Trying a threesome?

When you get married you are making a commitment to be with ONE person for the rest of your life.

Posted by love2hike    Friday, April 11, 2008 1:13 PM


re: Q. Trying a threesome?

it wont necessarily ruin ur marriage, and you wont get an STD...BUT!!...only if you watch who you're messing around with...make sure you know the person, know that they're clean, and that you trust your other TO THE MAX...it can put some pressure on the trust issue of if the other will stay faithful, but do you think the other isnt thinking the same about you?...its a matter of communication...

and its not a crazy idea...you married a man...thats most men's idea of a fantasy...whether the wife wants to go through with it or not is another thing...

but like i said...if you trust each other completely, and you're comfortable with it and you know the person and know that they're clean, the go for it!...you might just like it...

Posted by sidbaby0405    Tuesday, April 15, 2008 8:20 PM


re: Q. Trying a threesome?

My husband and I have had several threesomes, both before we were married and since. It was a fantasy of his and I felt like has his wife it was my place to give that to him. I want my fantasies considered in our bedroom. I have found both pros and cons to doing the threesomes.

I really do feel like it has brought us closer. We have had some really deep conversations that were based on something we did. When youve been together as long as we have (8 1/2 yrs) those deep conversations dont come as often because we are so close we already know how the other person feels about most topics.

You do have to be secure in your relationship and with yourself. You have to be able to hear that another woman feels good or does something that your man really likes. But there is a plus side to this as well. If he tells you the other woman did something that felt good learn from it and put your own twist on it.

Also, set rules! After the first on we had it bothered me to see my husband kiss someone else. I know it may sound funny but he doesnt make love to others its just sex but a kiss is special so now in threesomes he only kisses me. If the other girl doesnt like that then shes not a fit for us.

Get to know the person really well before you do anything with them. We talk to the women for at least a month, on the phone, out for a drink AND WE ALWAYS USE PROTECTION even if the other womans on birth control cause that doesnt do anything for std's.

Id be lying if I said Ive never felt weird after a threesome but I think it really helps with trust in our bedroom. Nither of us has any reason to stray because we both know anything we want to try will be taken into consideration.

Posted by MrsJDS    Wednesday, April 16, 2008 7:03 PM


re: Q. Trying a threesome?

My husband and I have had threesomes and have also been involved in swinging. First, ask him what his motivation behind prodding for a threesome is. For my husband and me, it's usually an itch to try something new in the bedroom, be it sex toys, another couple, or another person. As a bisexual couple, I realize that our viewpoint may be different, as there is much more freedom involved in who we may choose to involve. If you are interested in considering a sexual adventure such as a threesome, lay ground rules. Some of ours: we must both agree on the other partner and feel comfortable with that person, we should know the person enough to trust them, and if either of us begins to feel uncomfortable we stop. Knowing that every person is covered and protected in a way is a great safety net and I believe it can actually strengthen a relationship.

Posted by adfess    Thursday, June 12, 2008 7:49 PM


re: Q. Trying a threesome?

To each his own, but I never would. I feel like it's cheating but on a different level. How could anyone feel comfortable seeing their man "with" someone else? How does that strengthen the relationship? He said, in his vows, that he would be with you and no one else. That means JUST YOU. I don't care if he's been fantasizing about it since high school, maybe he should have gotten that out of his system before he became a married man. If he did and he enjoyed it but you don't, then why didn't he discuss his passions with you first before letting you agree to marry him? He should have opened up about everything and then let you decied on that. Not that he should have said, "Honey, will you marry me? And by the way..." I mean during the course of your relationship.

Sex is being taken advantage of by our society today. Too many people think it's okay to do all this stuff. Meanwhile, sex was only ever meant to be kept between a man and his wife. If people just stuck to that the divorce rate wouldn't be so high.

That's my own opinion, though. Take it as you will.

Posted by Mrs. Oosterveld    Wednesday, July 23, 2008 10:47 AM


re: Q. Trying a threesome?

I agree 100% with the doc. Hubby and I have had this discussion, and for us both, it is a fantastic fantasy, but in reality, neither of us would feel comfortable enough to go through with it, so we have a lot of talk during sex that incorporates different fantasies, not only the ones of having another person in the bedroom.

Posted by PirateCaptainLoo    Monday, July 28, 2008 8:34 AM


re: Q. Trying a threesome?

I agree 100% with the doc. Hubby and I have had this discussion, and for us both, it is a fantastic fantasy, but in reality, neither of us would feel comfortable enough to go through with it, so we have a lot of talk during sex that incorporates different fantasies, not only the ones of having another person in the bedroom.

Posted by PirateCaptainLoo    Monday, July 28, 2008 8:40 AM


re: Q. Trying a threesome?

My fiancé and I had a threesome in January and enjoyed it tremendously. We're even trying to find someone to do it again. You just need to figure out why he has this fantasy, and what your problems with it are and go from there.

My fiancé wanted to have a threesome because he thought it would be sexy to see me with another girl while simultaneously doing things to pleasure me. My problem with it was that I couldn't stand the idea of him kissing, or doing anything else, with someone else. So we agreed that he and the other girl wouldn't do anything with each other.  This actually changed when we were in the act, by my choice not his.

Obviously, if you're completely uncomfortable with the idea, you just shouldn't do it. But try and figure out what it is that makes you uncomfortable with it, and you may find that you can work around that without a problem.

Posted by ×x×Babygirl×x×    Monday, August 04, 2008 12:26 AM


re: Q. Trying a threesome?

I'm the girl and I think I would enjoy it more than he would... that being said, I'm not looking forward to doing it without absolutely KNOWING there will be no negative afterthoughts... and I can't know that.

Posted by LenaBallerina586    Tuesday, August 12, 2008 7:41 PM


re: Q. Trying a threesome?

I come from a very conservative Christian home growing up. while i have made some mistakes this goes beyond anything we would EVER consider doing! it's nasty. I don't even agree with the doc. putting on roles in the bedroom is your choice but bringing in "adult" movies, magazines, other people?!?! God didn't create Adam, eve and sarah.. he soley created Adam and eve! I could NEVER watch my husband "with" another woman, and i certainly would NEVER touch another woman the way i do my husband. my husband is MINE and any woman would be stupid to follow through with such a thing and obviously has no respect for her husband. and he none for her!

Posted by jessicaproefrock    Wednesday, October 29, 2008 12:31 PM


re: Q. Trying a threesome?

This is a fantasy that my wife and I have discussed before.  It's something that we talk about every once in a while to add some spice to our sex life.  It's something that we would both like to try, but know it's not really for us.  That being said I don't think that there is anything wrong with it if it's right for you as a couple.  I'm seeing a few people mention that this isn't what god intended for married people to do.  So I would have to assume that these people are only performing missionary sex with the lights off only to have children.  There is nothing wrong with introducing adult videos, mags, stories into the bedroom, as long as you are both ok with it.  It's 2008 and sex is something that is meant to be enjoyed by you and your spouse.  It's not just to make babies, or anniversaries!!  And where are the men that post here!!

Posted by vbcouple    Thursday, October 30, 2008 12:44 AM


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