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Tuesday, May 08, 2007 11:11 AM

Q. What's swinging?

Q. What is swinging? Is it like the '70s again?

A. Swinging in the new millenium is very different from the '70s. In the '70s, people went to parties where they dumped their car keys into a bowl, randomly chose a set at the end of the evening, and went home with a surprise partner. Sometimes people partied together in more classic orgy style. Many couples, however, broke up over this because they hadn't set ground rules.

Nowadays, swingers tend to agree as a couple what goes and what does not go! For example, one couple might agree that they don't kiss others but do everything else. Or they might agree the wife does girl-on-girl but not with other men, etc. For couples with an extremely strong sense that they can separate sex from their marriage, these ground rules help make it work. There is always a danger, however, that one gets jealous or ends up feeling insecure.

If you do try it, ensure both of you want to, set some ground rules, and only have safe sex. You should have an agreement that if one of you gets cold feet, you will stop. Most couples also set a rule restricting contact to swingers parties, which helps contain any negative effects --like falling for someone else. Be warned: Swinging is not for the faint-hearted!

>> Have a question for Dr. Pam? Email her at: drpam@thenest.com

Dr. Pam is the author of Make Love All Night & Talk to Him in the Morning and Naughty Tricks and Sexy Tips: A Couple's Guide to Uninhibited Sexual Pleasure

 

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Comments

re: Q. What's swinging?

That is so true. Swinging is DEFINITELY NOT for the faint-hearted or should I add in, the "self-conscious" type of people . My husband and I are swingers, have been for about 7 yrs now.  And also, my viewpoint is from being a bi-sexual woman so it may be a lot different from others point of view.

We finally decided to take the next step into getting married (after 7 yrs of being in an "open" relationship) and we've reached a point where hey, we trust each other so deeply that even if things were to change down the road (where c'mon women, we can't ALWAYS predict the future and how people will feel later), that we'd be just fine because we communicate everything to each other  which is a definite must in a "swinger" relationship. Any secrets will not fly because it will swim itself to the surface sooner or later and in most cases (from what I've heard and seen), it doesn't end very nice. I'm talkin bout divorces, drama between families, even domestics, when it all could have been avoided if there was just OPEN COMMUNICATION between the two parties.

So, I absolutely agree that it's not for everyone. In order to make it work you need to know your partner inside and out in order to take that big step, because believe me when I say, it is a BIG step.  It takes a lot of understanding and communication from both partners. If you honestly do not know if this will cause uncertainty in your marriage, I would not get into it full-force. I'd openly discuss your thoughts & feelings about the whole situation with your partner and see where he stands and what his thoughts are.  That's the best advice that I can give from our 7-yr experience. But don't easily get scared away, my husband and I are living proof that it works!

Posted by sweetieuiti    Monday, December 03, 2007 11:56 AM


re: Q. What's swinging?

I wanted to try swinging earlier this year and I'm the wife.  I know a lot of people think the guys are the ones who initiate that.  I've only ever been with my hubby and while its great, sometimes I wish we found each other at age 25 rather than 19.  We waited 5 years to marry and we've been married another two.  Anyway...we aren't swinging because he a) has no desire to be with anyone but me, and b) would feel jealous about me with another man.  And I respect that.  I'd never, ever cheat on him.  So, I'm learning to feel that we can't experience everything in life and I'm lucky to have a husband who cherishes me so much.  If we had gone forward, we both agreed that we'd never, ever have an "open" relationship when we had kids.  So, unless he changes his mind in the next 2 years, its never going to happen.  And I'm cool with that.

Posted by sept0305bride    Friday, December 14, 2007 1:22 PM


re: Q. What's swinging?

My husband and I took part in swinging before we were married, and it was an absolute blast! If you're considering experimenting with swinging, above everything else discuss every possible detail with your partner! Discussing potential scenarios is not only exciting, but it give you a feel for what you are and aren't comfortable with. And this might be something you have to change with each experience... what you're comfortable doing with one couple may be different from what you would do with another couple. The key is communicating your wants, needs, concerns, and inhibitions. You'll find that if your relationship is strong that swinging is a fun activity and can open a new form of communication with your partner, especially in the bedroom!

Posted by adfess    Thursday, June 12, 2008 8:01 PM


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