Wednesday, January 30, 2008 4:09 PM
Q: Competitive with sex?
Q. We had plenty of sex before we got married, but lately we only have sex a couple of times a week, and that’s usually on the weekend! We both work hard and have many commitments that we enjoy throughout the week. We have no problem talking about sex and our desires with each other. But I’m competitive, and when I hear about my friend and her husband having sex multiple times every day, it makes me feel like my marriage isn’t as good. How can I be satisfied with our sex life and not compare it to others whose are more active?
A. You’ve fallen into an all-too-common trap! It’s incredibly natural to start comparing our sex lives, as well as every part of our relationship, to the people we know. It’s simply part of human nature to be curious about how others live and what they do. That curiosity should be "left at the door" and not be allowed to enter your relationship; it doesn’t get you anywhere!
And I’ve got news for you -- she might be fibbing! She may feel insecure about her sex life so she builds it up into something it’s not. You could both feeling insecure but are showing it in different ways. The good news is that you’ve recognized your temptation to compare yourself unfavorably. Here are a few tips to try to get over that:
Look at your relationship and think about its good points. Think about those good things long and hard so you really get them into your conscious and subconscious mind. The next and most important thing you can do is “thought-stopping.” As soon as an envious thought about her sex life comes into your mind, I want you to say to yourself: “Stop!” Immediately substitute a happy image of you and your husband doing something together that you enjoy.
Finally, when she starts going on about her fantastic sex life, either change the subject or tell her you really don’t want to hear the details (really…it’s too much information, anyway). She should get the message!
>> Have a question for Dr. Pam? Email her at: drpam@thenest.com
Dr. Pam is the author of Make Love All Night & Talk to Him in the Morning and Naughty Tricks and Sexy Tips: A Couple's Guide to Uninhibited Sexual Pleasure