Wednesday, January 30, 2008 3:57 PM
Q: No more orgasms?
Q. Before my husband and I were married, I was able to have orgasms pretty regularly through penetration. We’ve been married almost three months, and I haven’t had a single orgasm! It’s putting a damper on my sex drive, and I’m getting really frustrated! What could be the problem?
A. It’s amazing how things can change with our sexual pleasure and ability to fully enjoy sex. One week we’re feeling great about it, and everything is working perfectly -- and the next week, recant climax. Usually, with some exploration and careful thought, you can get to the bottom of the change in sexual experience. There are a number of key culprits I’d like you to think about and whether they’ve become part of your life, influencing your sexual response. Begin with what might’ve changed after you got married. Did you also have a house move? Did you take on a bigger mortgage? Think about the things that might’ve increased your stress levels after marriage. Quite frankly, we always expect life to be blissful after marriage, but this is a time in our lives when major changes occur.
Next, I’d like you think about finances. Did you have to change jobs? Did you give up your job? Are you two now under more financial pressure? Being subconsciously stressed about money will certainly affect how you respond sexually. The next big culprit is medication. Have you recently gone on medication for any ailment? It’s amazing the range of medications that can alter or our sex drive or diminish our sexual response. Antidepressants, diabetic medication, blood-pressure medication, and changing birth control pills are all culprits. Even pain medication affects you because it deadens your sensations.
Another important area of consideration: Is there some emotional reason why you might be more inhibited about letting go and reaching orgasm? Maybe getting married isn’t what you expected. Maybe there were issues you were hoping would change with marriage. All of this can affect you subconsciously and change your sexual experience.
Finally, now that you’re married, maybe he’s paying less attention to the foreplay and getting you aroused. Don’t forget to keep affection and physical contact going between you and your spouse. Let him know how you’re feeling and discuss these various topics. It can only deepen your relationship!
>> Have a question for Dr. Pam? Email her at: drpam@thenest.com
Dr. Pam is the author of Make Love All Night & Talk to Him in the Morning and Naughty Tricks and Sexy Tips: A Couple's Guide to Uninhibited Sexual Pleasure