Wednesday, January 30, 2008 4:18 PM
Q: No more romance?
Q. We’ve been married for three years, and everything in our relationship is great, except my husband has lost his sense of romance (or rather doesn’t find it necessary). Once in awhile, a little romance would be nice. What can I do?
A. The very first thing you can do is realize that this is a typical reaction. Couples tend to settle into a nice, loving relationship and think romance would be the frosting on a cake -- so, in their view, not exactly necessary. But romance is the glue that keeps relationships together and prevents them from becoming a platonic friendship.
What I always recommend in these situations is to lead by your own example rather than expect your significant other to behave romantically. Start doing little romantic things for him. Surprise him by putting a note in his work papers or anywhere he’ll come upon it unexpectedly. In the note write something simple -- even one line -- like why you love him.
Do something small like this every few days -- even just looking him in the eye and telling him how much he makes you laugh. As soon as he starts realizing that tiny gestures of romance make him feel great, he may start giving you little gestures back.
Also, when it comes time for your birthday or your anniversary (when he’d buy you a gift), and he asks you what you’d like, tell him you’ll think about it. Then, inside a fun greeting card, write down five romantic gestures he could do for you.
There’s the saying that “you can lead a horse to the water, but you can’t make it drink.” In your fairy-tale mind, you’d love to have him up the romance on his own, but try generating it yourself and see where you get. If, ultimately, your behavior encourages occasional romantic acts on your spouse’s part, that may be as good as it gets!
>> Have a question for Dr. Pam? Email her at: drpam@thenest.com
Dr. Pam is the author of Make Love All Night & Talk to Him in the Morning and Naughty Tricks and Sexy Tips: A Couple's Guide to Uninhibited Sexual Pleasure