Wednesday, February 06, 2008 9:32 PM
Q: How to boost his ego?
Q. How can I boost my husband's ego? He orgasms really quickly, like a few minutes after starting oral sex or intercourse. He sees it as a bad thing, but I think it's fabulous. There's lots of foreplay and I usually orgasm. But no matter what I say, he seems kind of down afterward and feels like he's not satisfying me. How can I get him to understand that I love having sex with him?
A. You're absolutely right to think this is about his ego and how good he feels about himself. It's fascinating that although he satisfies you, he still doesn't feel "good enough." Because this is more about his ego rather than his sexual technique, you could help him by boosting his confidence.
So where do you get started? I believe a small daily dose of TLC works wonders. Pay him a little compliment each day. To keep it genuine, make it about something he's done, like helping you with the chores around the house or getting praise from his manager at work. Also, compliment him on the way he looks in a particular shirt or the smile he just gave you. I think you get my point -- any little thing that you can say to lift his spirits will also help his confidence.
The next step is to introduce a hobby, sport, or new interest to have fun with and learn from. When people face small challenges and build up a skill or ability, it helps with their general confidence. So you might suggest taking up dance classes or going to wine tastings -- anything you two might find interesting. Whatever it is, make a point of letting him know when he's accomplished something new.
Finally, it's important for him to boost his PC muscle control -- the muscles that run from the pubic bone down around to the butt. You can identify them in both men and women by clenching the muscles that stop you from urinating. Ideally, you should start with clenching them for two to three seconds and repeating this 10 times, building up to twice a day with 20 repetitions each. The next time he complains about his “speediness,” you can tell him that for his benefit (but not yours as he pleases you) that you've found out about an exercise that helps control it. Once he's got good PC muscle strength, when he goes inside you, he can pulse these muscles before he reaches climax, and they’ll slow him down.
>> Have a question for Dr. Pam? Email her at: drpam@thenest.com
Dr. Pam is the author of Make Love All Night & Talk to Him in the Morning and Naughty Tricks and Sexy Tips: A Couple's Guide to Uninhibited Sexual Pleasure