Wednesday, February 06, 2008 9:36 PM
Q: Getting aroused?
Q. I seem to have issues with getting aroused. My husband is wonderful, but I just can't seem to focus on bringing back the fire.
A. I think I know what may be at the root of your difficulties -- stress and/or exhaustion. I speak to so many people who want to be loving and sexy with their partner but feel a bit lost when it comes to getting aroused. Usually it's because of being overworked, running a home, or having children.
Let's start with how hard you might work or if other things might be draining your energy. You need to think of how you could tailor your lifestyle slightly to give you more "down-time.” Take some time to do the things you enjoy. I always find that when people commit to making slight changes to their lifestyle, they feel a bit more relaxed, happier, and, as a result, sexier.
You should discuss with your husband how you can both alter your lifestyles so that you have more energy to think about sexual pleasure.
If you know your husband’s technique really doesn't do it for you, it's time to start guiding him on how he could turn you on. This doesn't mean you have to tell him that things haven't been working -- far from it! Simply guide him to what would work for you. But first get yourself some new lingerie and think about adding some sensual touches to your bedroom, like candlesticks and massage oil at the bedside. And then simply lie there with your partner and discuss your inner thoughts. Ask him to touch you gently in different places and to experiment using massage oil on your erogenous zones. Be honest about your fantasy life. And slowly you may find you becoming more aroused.
>> Have a question for Dr. Pam? Email her at: drpam@thenest.com
Dr. Pam is the author of Make Love All Night & Talk to Him in the Morning and Naughty Tricks and Sexy Tips: A Couple's Guide to Uninhibited Sexual Pleasure