Wednesday, February 06, 2008 9:39 PM
Q: Hate your mate's sex move?
Q. My mate has a sex move that I hate. We do it every time we're getting down and dirty, and I just grin and bear it. How can I let them know I just can't stand their "signature" move?
A. Isn't it awkward when a partner is doing something that they think is really sexy you can't stand it? This is more common than you think! Usually someone devises a signature move at some point in their sexual relationships that works for one partner. They then mistakenly believe that it's going to work for their next partner. But we're all different and get turned on by different things, and so this doesn't necessarily pan out.
You need to coax your partner away from the signature move. You haven't told me what it is, but let me use this as an example: Let's say that he always fingers you in a particular way with a particular rhythm, and it really turns you off. The next time he starts to move his fingers this way, gently move them away and take the palm of his hand. With your own fingers, rub the palm of his hand in the way you'd like to be touched. You can whisper something like, "You're so sexy, honey, and I'd love it if you try this!" Usually this technique will work because the person doesn't feel they're being criticized.
Another technique you can try is to ask if you can act out a domination fantasy where you get to be the boss. You can pretend that you've just hired him and you get to tell him exactly what to do to you in your "office." This gives you the chance to show him what you'd really like but in the context of fantasy sex-play.
If those two techniques don't work, then you may have to have a gentle word with him along the lines of wanting to try new things.
>> Have a question for Dr. Pam? Email her at: drpam@thenest.com
Dr. Pam is the author of Make Love All Night & Talk to Him in the Morning and Naughty Tricks and Sexy Tips: A Couple's Guide to Uninhibited Sexual Pleasure