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Wednesday, February 06, 2008 9:46 PM

Sometimes my husband can't climax. Could there be anything wrong?

Q. Sometimes my husband can't climax. Could there be anything wrong?

A. We always assume that it's going to be the woman who can't climax, but sometimes men can't! And just as with women, there are many different reasons why men don't reach climax.

Have you noticed any particular pattern when he can't climax? For example, does it happen after an evening out when he's drank too much alcohol? Sometimes men can get an erection after drinking (though sometimes they get so-called “Brewer's droop” with excess alcohol), but they actually can't go all the way.

Also, consider his daily stresses. Does it happen after he's had a really rough day at work? If work problems are clouding his mind, it’s hard to get into sex. Taking medications can also affect his ability to climax.

The important thing to consider is how you two handle the situation when it happens. Do you two ignore it and sweep it under the rug? Does he end up embarrassed or upset? Or do you two discuss it? It's important to ask him how he's feeling. If he's up for it, he can pleasure you with his hands or through oral sex even if he doesn't climax. It's also about supporting him to find the reasons why this happens.

>> Have a question for Dr. Pam? Email her at: drpam@thenest.com

Dr. Pam is the author of Make Love All Night & Talk to Him in the Morning and Naughty Tricks and Sexy Tips: A Couple's Guide to Uninhibited Sexual Pleasure

 

Posted by Nest Dr. Pam Spurr

Comments

re: Q: Husband can't climax?

My husband has the same problem but it happens more often than not. He says its because his mind wanders or he just can't relax enough. This really frustrates me because it feels like I can't please him enough. I usually run out of energy before he can reach climax because it is so difficult to get him there.

Posted by Mrs.Kirkland07    Sunday, February 17, 2008 6:27 PM


re: Q: Husband can't climax?

Along with Dr. Pam's advice, you might want to consider how often you're having sex. I can't speak for other men, but during the times my wife and I were having sex daily (or more often), climaxes took longer for me to reach, didn't last as long, and weren't quite as satisfying. Nowadays, when we're lucky to get some once a week, it's a whole different ball game.

Without sounding crude, men physically need a little time to "reload," if you will. Male climax is based on him ejecting body fluids. Those fluids don't come in an infinite supply. That's part of why men don't usually (if ever) climax more than once during sex, while I know that my wife has had multiple climaxes on quite a few occasions.

I don't think there's necessarily anything physical, but then, I'm an engineer, not a doctor, dangit. ;)

Posted by Stormcrow    Sunday, March 09, 2008 4:34 PM


re: Q: Husband can't climax?

My husband has had this problem too & he would agree with Stormcrow that often it's just because of the frequency.

Another thing that he has mentioned is the wetness. Sometimes it's too slippery and he can't get enough 'friction'. At first it really bothered me but now we just 'wipe off' and keep going.

Don't let it get you down (no pun intended). I realized somewhere along the way that I had a lot of preconceived notions about how men were 'supposed' to be in the sex dept. Most of them weren't fair or realistic, especially in a long term relationship setting but communication is the key to righting many wrongs.

Talk to him about it, you may be surprised what you can learn from him about him.  :)

Posted by sweetmadness    Thursday, March 20, 2008 3:08 PM


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