Wednesday, February 06, 2008 9:44 PM
When I'm stressed out, I can't bring myself to have sex with my husband.
Q. When I'm stressed out, I can't bring myself to have sex with my husband. He tries to turn me on, but we just end up lying there frustrated. I'm worried that this will ruin our amazing sex life.
A. Stress kills libido as quickly as anything else. Despite being a common problem, it can be very frustrating and cause a lot of worry, especially for the partner that's stressed out.
The starting point is to be honest with your husband when you're feeling stressed out, as it sounds like you are. There's no point in hiding these feelings or faking orgasms! That makes things worse. Let him know how much you love him and how much you think your sex life has been amazing, but you simply need a little affection when you’re feeling like this. As soon as you feel better, you can get back to being the sex queen you are! That way you show him that you're not going to let a few stressful days cast a black cloud over your whole sex life.
Now for the trickier part: You need to identify what stresses you out and actually deal with it! Unfortunately, most of us don’t try to get to the root of the problem. What you should do is keep a "stress diary" for a couple weeks. You might see a pattern emerging where, say, particular demands at work or with your family build up until you get stressed out. Next, you need to decide what steps you can take to solve these issues. Let your husband know what you're doing to de-stress so you can enhance your relationship with him. If he sees the efforts you're making and helps you in any way possible, you two will strengthen your relationship.
Finally, you need to remember that every couple has ups and downs when it comes to their sexual desire. As long as you two continue to be loving to each other, especially during a dry patch, your relationship should be fine.
>> Have a question for Dr. Pam? Email her at: drpam@thenest.com
Dr. Pam is the author of Make Love All Night & Talk to Him in the Morning and Naughty Tricks and Sexy Tips: A Couple's Guide to Uninhibited Sexual Pleasure