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Friday, June 13, 2008 4:52 PM

I can only orgasm with a vibrator, never through oral or vaginal sex. Any suggestions?

Q: I can only orgasm with a vibrator, never through oral or vaginal sex. I've had sex with many people and couldn't orgasm with any of them, so it's not my fiance. Any suggestions? My fiance is getting frustrated.

 I’m glad you've brought this up because it gives me the chance to remind people that some women can only climax from oral sex, some can only climax through full sex, some can only climax with their hands and fingertips, and some (like you) can only climax with a vibrator.

We’re all different! The way one woman needs to be stimulated might turn another woman off. And that's true for men too; what works for one man may not work for another. There’s no right or wrong as to what rocks your world!

Make sure your fiance understands that you don’t prefer a vibrator to him. You want him to know that this is just the way you are and it’s in no way a reflection of his skills in bed.

I suggest you show him how to use the vibrator on you. Get him involved so you both get turned on bringing you to climax. Before he starts using the vibrator, have full sex. After he's been thrusting for while, have him pull out and use the vibrator. You might also alternate between being pleasured with the vibrator and letting him slip inside you.

Run these ideas past your fiance, making sure you continually reassure him that it has nothing to do with him but everything to do with the way your body is constructed -- and your body simply works best with a vibrator.

Posted by Nest Dr. Pam Spurr
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Comments

re: I can only orgasm with a vibrator, never through oral or vaginal sex. Any suggestions?

I'm crippled with frustration that my new husband is very, very quick to orgasm and I'm one of those many woman who can only truly orgasm alone via masturbation.  It takes me a while too.  I've tried to incorporate a new vibrator into our routine and keep him at bay while I do it so I'm not out there on my own, but he comes almost immediately anyhow.  I get psyched out after he orgasms if he's just sitting there watching me or trying not to fall asleep!  What do I do?  I've encouraged him to build up his tolerance "on his own" so when it comes to sex, he can last longer but he doesn't appear to be working on that.  He's so sweet but has no idea how hurtful it can be to me.  Never orgasming with him makes me resent having sex altogether if there is never any pay off for me...

Posted by jrkalom    Wednesday, June 25, 2008 2:52 PM


re: I can only orgasm with a vibrator, never through oral or vaginal sex. Any suggestions?

For jrkalom - maybe you need to go out a buy things like creams or other items at your local adult store that are supposed to help with de-sensitise your husband. I've never used any so I'm not sure what works and what doesn't but the employees at the stores should be able to help.

Also what else might help is if you have him start on you with a vibrator or fingers till you get to the point of orgasming and then have him hop in when you are almost off.

Posted by kd7418    Thursday, July 24, 2008 7:42 AM


re: I can only orgasm with a vibrator, never through oral or vaginal sex. Any suggestions?

I need a vibrator also, but I let him use it around the area while he is inside of me and it is the best.  We also have a vibrating coc* ring and it is awesome for me.  Don't get frustrated, just keep playing and follow the above advice...visit an adult store together and pick out some stuff that you are both game to try!

Posted by JennMackey    Friday, July 25, 2008 1:42 PM


re: I can only orgasm with a vibrator, never through oral or vaginal sex. Any suggestions?

I rarely have vaginal orgasms so we tend to use a vibrator during sex. DH is super considerate and doesn't mind incorporating extra equipment into our sessions.

I've found that if I'm on bottom, I can put my legs on his shoulders and we can continue to have sex while using the vibrator for clitoral stimulation. try it out! works wonders for us!

Posted by habitualstar    Friday, August 01, 2008 4:53 PM


re: I can only orgasm with a vibrator, never through oral or vaginal sex. Any suggestions?

your not alone... although, I have found that inorporating more unique and creative bedroom play to keep it hot and help me enjoy the actual sex more often. for instance, role-playing or .a. non-intercourse game for foreplay tends to rile up my partner and make them last longer while also keeping it interesting for me.

I have noticed with a few previous partners who were quick to the finish line, teasing them (walking around naked, the looks you give them, randomly talking dirty or licking lips at them) for a day or two, then jumping into the sack made them so pent up they actually lasted longer.

and for the ladies who wonder, don't hide your toySleep from your husband, try to either incorporate them and ensure your man that it cannot take his place in your life.

my husband knows I like my vibes, but I explained to him that there are just different types of orgasms, they feel different, and some you can only reach certain ways. he seemed to understand. while he isn't ready to allow it in bed with him yet, he warms up to new foreplay games and creative positions everytime we hit the sheets.

hope this helps!

Posted by deminion_777    Monday, August 11, 2008 2:26 AM


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