Friday, October 17, 2008 10:01 PM
How can I get my husband to perform oral sex on me?
Q: My husband is seriously opposed to performing oral sex. We both love intercourse, and he's wonderful with his hands, but he won't go the oral route. How can I get him to do it?
A: Oral sex can be amazing, and more women can climax from it than from penetrative sex. Nevertheless, people have extremely strong attitudes about oral sex, and these can be both positive and negative, with your husband clearly falling in the latter camp.
Have you explored where these attitudes come from? Did he once have a bad experience either giving or receiving oral sex? Does he come from a conservative family where there’s a general attitude that sexual experimentation for couples isn’t a good thing? You need to find out what’s at the root of his feelings. Once you've worked that out, it'll be easier to try and coax him into experimenting.
The next step is to encourage a little bit of oral activity. Take these steps slowly: Start by kissing his chest before moving down to his abdomen, then kiss down his thighs, and, finally, kiss his genitals.
You’d then encourage him to first kiss your breasts and your stomach before moving down to other regions. These steps may happen slowly over a few months. You can’t expect him to go from 0 to 60 in one sex session together!
He may also be worried that his technique won't be up to par, so whisper sensually how you'd like him to kiss your fingertips and your nipples. Once he gets the hang of kissing different parts of your body, his confidence will build, and he may not find the idea of performing oral sex on you so daunting. Let him know that you'd just like "a few kisses" there and don't expect him to bring you to orgasm. You can build up to that as he becomes more comfortable and sees how much you enjoy it.
Finally, if he's worried about hygiene, you can always suggest taking a sensual shower together, toweling each other dry, and then roaming over his body with some gentle kisses and asking him to do the same to you.