Friday, October 17, 2008 9:59 PM
Should I say something about my husband's masturbatory habits?
Q: Sometimes I hear my husband masturbating in bed after he thinks I'm asleep. Even though I know guys do it no matter how much sex they have, I feel as if he's not satisfied by me. I've wanted to bring this up to him a few times, but I've always stopped short because I don't want to embarrass him; I don't know if it's worth upsetting him. Should I say something?
A: It’s possible to rationalize that men (and many women too!) masturbate regularly even when they're having good sex simply because they’re thinking about sex more -- and they may want a quick bit of occasional self-pleasure to supplement their sex life.
Despite this, there’s certainly a protocol for masturbation that requires being respectful of your partner. If you’re the sort of couple that can laugh and joke about masturbating when it suits you, then that's fine. If you’re the type of twosome that’s more reserved about discussing such things -- and I'd guess you are -- then it's just plain bad manners for your husband to masturbate in bed when he thinks you’re asleep.
He obviously hasn't thought about this, so give him a gentle nudge and suggest he go to the bathroom when he feels the urge to masturbate after you’ve fallen asleep. Or one day when you're being affectionate and perhaps building up to sex, you can mention that you'd rather he did it out of the bedroom if you're in bed but can feel free to masturbate in bed when you’re out of the house.