Snappy answers to stupid wedding questions
Posted
Wednesday, June 27, 2007 5:02 PM
When I was growing up, one of my favorite things to read was Mad Magazine's "Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions."
An example would be:
Question: (from a waiter, to a husband and wife) Table for how many?
Answer: 112 -- we like to change seats every few minutes.
Answer: One -- my wife will sit on my shoulders.
Answer: I don't know -- I can't count that high, either.
The whole thing always made me laugh – and probably helped to greatly contribute to my sarcastic streak (that and Dorothy Zbornak on "The Golden Girls").
It's amazing how much a wedding lends itself to such questions. As a bride-to-be, some people will confuse you with the amazing Kreskin. So in honor of that (and because I've reached a planning plateau at the moment), I present these snappy answers to stupid wedding questions. If you have any more to add, please post a comment.
Q: What is the best way to figure out the wedding date?
A: You need a Magic 8 ball, a compass, a sundial and the Cosmo horoscope page.
Q: What order should the bridal party walk down in?
A: Who you like the best followed by who spent the most on your gift.
Q: My bridal party is uneven. What should I do?
A: Kidnap two of your friends until after the ceremony– we can't have an uneven number now can we?
Q: Is it bad luck to get married on the top of the hour?
A: It is good luck to get married on the ones … like a traffic report.
Q: If I don't want wear a white dress, what will people think?
A: They'll think "slut."
Q: Should you take off your engagement ring once you are married?
A: Yes, and send it to Shoshie, c/o The Jewish Journal, Los Angeles, CA
Q: Can our guests blow bubbles as we leave the ceremony?
A: I don't know, it depends on how talented your guests are with a piece of gum.
Q: Should we hire a limo to and from the wedding?
A: Goodness no. Walk – it saves on gas.
Q: How many layers should my cake be?
A: Just enough so if it falls you have maximum humor with minimal clean-up.
Q: At the bachelor party, does everyone bring gifts for the groom.
A: Yes. Everyone is required to write a reason as to why the groom will be in handcuffs at the end of the night.
Q: How do I word the invitation to say that there will be dinner and dancing?
A: I would use English … Klingon is a very difficult language to print.
Q: My fiance is Jewish and I am not. Any advice?
A: Run!
Posted by
Shoshie
Filed under: Advice