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Friday, September 29, 2006 10:06 AM

Are You in an Interfaith Marriage?

By Lori

In my circle of friends, there are very few couples where the husband and wife are the same religion -- myself and DH included. I am Roman Catholic and he is Jewish.

My family was never very church-going, but we do celebrate all the major holidays with unprecedented amounts of food (we are Italian and can't help it!). Every year our Christmas dinner table is filled with not only our Catholic family members, but also many of our Jewish friends. For my family, the holidays were not necessarily about a particular faith, but a time to gather with the people we love.

Before DH and I got married, we had a few talks about religion, but it was never an issue in our dating. We never had any pre-marital religious counseling like some same-faith couples do. We had a non-denominational wedding ceremony. Our families are supportive and we conveniently don't have to split the holiday visits between them. Religion was never really a topic of discussion -- until I became pregnant.

In reference to my unborn son, people keep asking me, "what will he be?" or "what is he?" My answer usually is, "I hope he'll be a happy, healthy baby." As for his religion, I honestly don't know yet. Because I'm a non-practicing Catholic, I feel like a hypocrite saying I want him to follow my religion -- yet I can't imagine him not having a Christmas tree. Since I have so many Jewish friends, I feel comfortable with DH's religion too -- yet I do not want to convert and as a result, fear feeling a disconnect with my son. Is it confusing for a kid to be "both?" DH wants us to choose a clear path, so that one day our son does not run off and join a crazy Tom Cruise-style religious cult. It's a hard decision and the first time we've come face to face with an issue relating to our interfaith marriage.

What challenges have other Nestie interfaith couples encountered? Has practicing different religions helped or hindered your marriage?

Posted by The Nest Editors

Comments

re: Are You in an Interfaith Marriage?

When we married (by priest in one ceremony and rabbi in a second ceremony), the rabbi let us know of an organization that is made for interfaith couples. It's called Dovetail. I frequently get e-mailed newsletters from them. You can go on dovetail.org and find literature for interfaith couples w/ regards to parenting. Ultimately the decision is yours, but hopefully this site will help you make a better informed decision. Good luck and congratulations!

Posted by Galena99    Sunday, October 01, 2006 9:48 PM


re: Are You in an Interfaith Marriage?

It sounds as though neither are you are extremely into practicing your religion, but rather pick out the parts that appeal to you. How is that any different from a child with parents of two different ethnicities, say Mexican & Polish, and celebrating customs, cultures, and holidays of both hertigages? If people can make their own hybrid cultures like that, then why can't your child celebrate his own hybrid religion? Why can't he pick the parts that he agrees with most from each faith? You say that you're not a practicing Catholic, but if you have a Christmas tree, then you're proof that it is possible to pick aspects of one religion and follow just some of them. Why should your son be any different? Why not allow him to experience both, and then have him choose later on in life? Sure, you might not bapitize him, but if he's really into Christianity, he'll get bapitized later on. Or, why not baptize him, but allow him to stop practicing later on in life, like you did? Bottom line...why does it have to be "either, or"? Why can't it be "both"?

Posted by -Boss-    Friday, September 29, 2006 1:51 PM


re: Are You in an Interfaith Marriage?

Wow... add me to the list of Roman Catholic women who married Jewish men! We are going through the same thing right now... it wasn't an issue since we weren't planning on having children when we married, but since we've adopted we're in the same dilema. We've found a nice, reformed Temple (you DH HAS to be reformed or he wouldn't have married you) that DS goes to on Friday nights... and he goes to church with me on Sunday. As for the holidays, he gets the best and worst of both worlds.... he gets Christmas and Chaunakah... but also has Passover and Lent. Once he's older, he can choose and since DH and I are both comfortable with eachother's religions, there won't be any disconnection. The only obstacle I see is if DS decides he wants a Bar Mitzfa... then I'll have to go to Torah lessons.

Posted by mandm04    Friday, September 29, 2006 1:00 PM


My kid still has no religion!

By Lori Some of you Nesties might remember my previous blog post while I was pregnant about how DH and

Posted by The Nest Editors' Blog    Friday, April 06, 2007 10:10 AM


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