Tuesday, November 21, 2006 10:54 AM
Do You Ever...
By Jeanine
Do you ever just want to curl up in a ball and cry? Nesties, I have been having a rough couple days. First, there is the inherent stress of the holidays. I am in charge of desserts this year, so just thinking about how much baking I have to do makes my stomach queasy. Then over the weekend, I found out that one of BFF’s stepfather was killed, so that was definitely a downer. Also, my boyfriend and I just broke up and while it wasn’t a bad breakup, it still sucks big time because I miss him. I thought I was coping pretty well until this morning, when something pushed me over the edge. I never watch the news or even keep up with it – because it’s depressing, quite frankly – but for some reason I logged onto MSN this morning and saw the headline, “Michael Richards apologizes for racial slurs.” Given my emotional state, I should have just enjoyed my breakfast in peace, but I didn’t. I clicked on it and read the article and then proceeded to watch the video. I was mortified – so much so, in fact, that I started balling. I couldn’t believe what I was watching. I was first shocked by what he was saying, but I think what really did it for me was that people in the audience were actually laughing! Maybe it was a nervous laughter, like “OMG did he really just say that,” but watching him wasn’t funny to me, it was scary. It was so disturbing, like a real wake-up call that as far as I think the world has come, there is still so much hate and anger and rage out there. I had to call my mom because I felt a serious breakdown coming on. She helped calm me down and reminded me that I had a good time with my extended family to look forward to on Thursday. On the train into work, everything that has been going on in my life really got me thinking about what I am thankful for. Yes, it’s cliché, but with all the bad it gave me a little comfort to think about the good. I am thankful that I have a loving family and fabulous friends and a job that I really really like. I am also thankful to have grown up around parents and people that taught me love, not hate, because I can’t even imagine how horrible it must be to have that much bitterness and anger in your heart. Anyways, what’s everyone else thankful for (I know, it’s corny, but humor me:) this year?
PS: Sorry for the sad post. After gorging myself on food on Thursday, next week will hopefully be better. Happy Thanksgiving!