Monday, January 22, 2007 1:15 PM
Parental Support
by Katie
How many of you are super close with your parents? Like, how often do you talk to them on the phone or email? I have to admit, I might be strangely close with mine.. It's almost like a cord that still needs to be cut -- but does it?
I talk to my mom about every other day. And I tell her everything...probably more than I should. Don't get me wrong, I don't go into my sex life, but when it comes to how much we make or our future plans, if she asks, I tell. I just find it hard to say: “That's none of your business“ or “that's too personal“ which I probably should be saying. Do any of you have a nice way to say this? It's not that I mind sharing, but I wonder if some of the stuff should just stay between DH and me.
Part of me feels that I am married now and should be more of a grownup, and that there should be more of an emotional distance between my parents and me. The only bad thing about my parents is that they still treat me like a little girl, and considering I'm almost 30, I do feel I need to break away from that.
It's not like they come between DH and me -- um, at least I don't think they do. DH actually seems to almost enjoy them as much as I do. But he does joke when my mom calls for the 3rd time in one day.
I have a feeling this might start being more of an emotional tug of war since DH just finished grad school and now has his weekends free. Before, if he had school all weekend, I'd make other plans, and often visit my parents. Now he'll either have to come along, or I go alone. Either way, I'll see them less often. I know this is hard for my family. And I feel the guilt from their separation anxiety. They don't mean to do it, but they tell me how much they miss me a lot. It's sad, but also a little frustrating for me. I tend to give in though. I keep thinking: they're 60 and 65. I don't want to regret turning them down if they don't live really long lives.
But let me tell you, it's a good thing my in-laws don't need the same amount of time with us that my fam needs... or maybe DH is just better at creating distance.
How often do you guys visit your family? Do any of you get guilt trips for not visiting enough? How do you juggle starting a new life with DH and maintaining a good parent relationship?
Updates: DH came home on Friday and it is so wonderful having him back. Thanks for all your support. I had a great time spending “me time“ while he was gone, but I'm loving having him home.. even if our full-sized bed is a lot smaller with him in it. Oh -- and my week of swearing less is going well. I still think the words, but I'm making the effort not to fill my sentences with them any more!