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Wednesday, May 09, 2007 9:52 AM

Will Guys Ever Listen?

This week in May always puts me over the edge. My husband's birthday is tomorrow; it's mother's day on Sunday; and my nephew's birthday is Wednesday. It's a lot of presents to buy, and time coming up with good ideas. So last night, I was about to wrap the present for my MIL (I ended up getting her perfume), when my husband informs me his mother doesn't like perfume!

I flipped: I had asked him specifically last week, does your mom like perfume and he said yes. Now, he's changed his story completely. He says he doesn't remember saying that. Probably because he wasn't listening to me in the first place. He apologized for sending me mixed messages, but my question is, why do guys pretend to listen in the first place?! It would be so much easier if they just said, I can't really focus on what you're saying right now, let's talk later. 

One Nestie husband admits that it's not that guys don't listen; they just don't pay attention. But isn't that the same thing? I like his suggestion to say to your husband that this is important to you, but isn't everything I say important (j/k). Seriously, though. Does anyone have any other good ideas for getting your husband to listen?

In my frustration last night, I signed us up for Google/Gmail calendar. Basically, we can share a calendar so we can schedule dates or events and it will send both of us a reminder. I'll let you know if it works.

Posted by Kathleen*
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Comments

re: Will Guys Ever Listen?

Oh my god, you could be writing that about my husband!  He tells me things all the time, and I believe him, and he says something totally different and doesn't remember telling me wrong the first time!  And just this morning, he asked me TWO times if I'm going straight to the grocery after work, and I said yes both times.  Then he called me at work today to see if I'd be coming straight home from work!!!  It's so annoying, but you have to laugh about it.  I really think women are just as bad though.  I tell my best friend things all the time, then I bring it up later, and she has no idea what I'm talking about.  It's called Selective Hearing, but I think men suffer from it the most.  I hate this time of May too because our anniversary is the 6th, my sister's birthday is the 10th, and then there's Mother's Day.  Too much going on.  Good luck with the MIL gift.

Posted by edmo    Wednesday, May 09, 2007 11:12 AM


re: Will Guys Ever Listen?

Stand infront of the tV, video game, or car next time when you know he isn't "really" listening.  He will have to stop what he is doing and listen because you just blocked the best part of the movie, or got his man killed, or he can't reach the engine.  :-)  Good luck.  

Posted by steen05    Wednesday, May 09, 2007 11:15 AM


re: Will Guys Ever Listen?

Try maintaining eye contact. Dh loves to use the excuse that he "forgot to listen" or "forgot to remember". I have found staying "boobies" at various points in the conversation helps;) I love it when he complains that I repeat myself, then asks me three times if I locked the door.

Posted by Renza7    Wednesday, May 09, 2007 2:33 PM


re: Will Guys Ever Listen?

Actually, it's not just husbands who don't listen, research shows that most people don't listen well. It's one of the drawbacks of technology, we multi task so we don't listen. You probably have to REPEAT THINGS AT LEAST THREE TIMES to ensure that someone heard what you said.

Tips:

1) Don't try to have really deep conversations with your husband in the midst of doing something else (i.e. TV in the background, in front on the computer, while cooking).

2) Schedule time to have important conversations or conversations regarding scheduling. It doesn't mean thirty minutes, it could be 5 or 10.  Set an agenda. Treat your marriage like a business.  When you end the meeting, follow up, is it clear everything that you wanted to be said, said?

Have him repeat it.  Part of the power of listening is to only listen, that's your only responsiblity at that particular moment. By having only one thing to concentrate on, it will ensure that they might actually hear what you said.

It's good that you signed up for the calendar, it will allow important things to be front and center.

Posted by YBGWifey    Thursday, May 10, 2007 10:38 AM


re: Will Guys Ever Listen?

I signed up for the google calendar too!  Now DH can check our calendar before he tells other people we're available. No more double-booking.

Posted by curlyqgirl    Sunday, May 13, 2007 10:34 PM


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