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Tuesday, May 22, 2007 5:11 PM

Would you agree to see your ex?


My ex-boyfriend of four years texted me this weekend to see how I was and if I wanted to get together for dinner. I was shocked. We haven’t really spoken since we broke up nearly seven years ago(!) I’m assuming he either 1) is getting married and wants to tell me or 2) is lonely and feeling nostalgic. I didn’t know what to write back. To be honest, I don’t really have anything to say to him anymore so I think a dinner would be really awkward. Can’t we just catch up over the phone? But I don’t want to come off as completely cold either. He was once a big part of my life.

My husband thinks I should see him, but I don’t even want to open up that old can of worms! How do you deal with past loves? Would you agree to see your ex?

Posted by Kathleen*
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Comments

re: Would you agree to see your ex?

It sounds like your gut is telling you not to have this dinner. I say go with your gut. A dinner is too intimate. Maybe over the phone or if he really wants to see you, for coffee. I occassionally talk to my ex, but he is across the country, so meeting up is obviously out of the question. He's a bit "safer" to talk to.

Posted by mrsgarza    Tuesday, May 22, 2007 7:25 PM


re: Would you agree to see your ex?

I guess it would depend on the type of breakup and relationship you had. If he is not the type to cause drama, why not?

Posted by stressfree    Tuesday, May 22, 2007 8:20 PM


Funny you should ask....

My ex just emailed me this evening to tell me he was going to be in town tomorrow, so I had to make the same decision. I decided against it. I know I don't feel the same way about him today as I did years ago (obviously!) and I know my husband wouldn't mind at all. I just don't feel like I need to revisit that chapter of my life. He just doesn't fit into my life (beyond the odd e-mail)anymore, and I'm fine with that. What I have with my husband is worth so much more to me.

Posted by Tamsin    Tuesday, May 22, 2007 10:36 PM


re: Would you agree to see your ex?

It's a can of worms that might be best left in the past.

There is one ex that I do speak with that has morphed into a hi-how-ya-doin' acquaintanceship because he started dating my college roommate and we've grown up and yada-yada-yada.  DH understands that sometimes we say "Hi" to each other upon occasion, but I don't take it beyond that because it makes DH uncomfortable.

That being said... If your gut says no, just say no.  Sometimes being the "bad guy" isn't so bad, because you aren't opening the door to the what-ifs.

"Hi thx 4 th txt.  I cant gt 2gether but hope things r going well. Take care."  The end.

Posted by third_place    Wednesday, May 23, 2007 6:12 AM


re: Would you agree to see your ex?

My ex and I had been together for 4 years as well. When he resurfaced, DH and I were engaged and sharing an apartment. When he asked to get together, I suggested that we go for drinks first and that DH could meet us for dinner.  We went to a place with outside seating and had a drink. DH joined us after an hour, and then the 3 of us had dinner. He had us over for dinner once a few weeks later. And, then he sort of disappeared back into the woodwork. He later moved out of state and was dating seriously shortly after. I hear he's now married. DH thinks that he was just curious after hearing that I had gotten engaged and wanted to see if I was really happy.  

I don't regret meeting up with him, but I am glad that I included DH.

Posted by urbanite    Wednesday, May 23, 2007 8:32 AM


re: Would you agree to see your ex?

Thanks for the advice -- I've decided to not see him but see if we can catch up over the phone. It's nice that urbanite brought her DH into the mix--i'll see how it goes on the phone and maybe suggest something like that. Thanks!

Posted by Kathleen*    Wednesday, May 23, 2007 8:53 AM


re: Would you agree to see your ex?

There's also a good chance he just wants to say sorry and get rid of some guilt.

Posted by curlyqgirl    Tuesday, May 29, 2007 12:17 PM


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